RiTS: Forever Knight, Intimations of Mortality, Chapter 2

RitS post 19 of 21

So…it’s been a while, hasn’t it, guys? Yeah. I know. I’m sorry. Some stuff came up, and it turned out to be a pretty weird year, so…things fell by the wayside. It happens.

But I’m back in business, here to provide all your Forever Knight needs (that you clearly didn’t know you had, because let’s be honest: no oneĀ needs this shit, right? Right.)! If you don’t remember Chapter One, you can read it here.

Let’s get started!

We open this chapter on an action sequence – I think. I can’t exactly be sure, because the pacing is exactly the same as it was for the last chapter, which was all boring-ass exposition and backstory. So, point one: never write action scenes like this, kids. The key really is shorter sentences, shorter thoughts, words and punctuation like bullets. Make it fast, choppy.

Make the eyes move.

Just like your characters are doing.

But Garrett gives us what we’ve come to expect fromĀ FK: marginally acceptable storytelling. Nick “wakes” in the middle of a basement hallway, his head pounding, having to accept help getting out from Vachon and Lacroix. (And his name is weird in this – have I mentioned yet? LaCroix, like he’s the fucking soda from Whole Foods or wherever the fuck hipsters started it.)

Anyway. Nick has been injured previous to his “waking up”, and we start our chapter off with a terrible sentence. There’s quite a bit of dancing around repeated terms and trying to say things all artistically, and it’s all as run-of-the-mill-wretched as you might think, but this one is really a prime example of what not to do.

Fingers touched the back of his head lightly, and his question faded into a groan at the pain the searching pressure evoked.

Guys. No. Please don’t play this game of “how many thesaurus words can I use in one book?” This is a bad game.

Look, they’re in the middle of an action sequence, supposedly, and we’re taking time to say all that, when it could just be, “Fingers probed the back of his head. His question slid into a groan at the pain.”

DONE. Like, no one needs “evoked” in there. And honestly, that is some weird, maybe passive voice shit? The pain was evoked by the searching pressure? It’s all bizarrely out of order, and it makes Garrett’s writing sound like she’s trying to reach her teacher’s word count requirements. Don’t do that.

Moving on: they’re running from a vampire, but stop in the middle to touch Nick’s head and evoke things. They start running again when the vampire shows back up, and then they’re up the stairs and out into the sunlight, where the vamp throws herself onto Nick and he can’t manage to get up. She starts to burn, obvies, and someone stakes her – though they manage not to stake Nick? Even though she’s on top of him, in what we’re led to believe is, like, full-body contact?

Oh, and all of that? Two and a half pages. Virtually no white space at all. In other words: Worst. Action sequence. Evar.

Through all of this, Nick’s trying to figure out wtf is going on. Obviously, he just went to sleep, and now he’s all hurt and weird and…human? Is he human? Oh, shit.

Vachon and Lacroix help get Nick up and moving, and they’re, like, going a few blocks away to another apartment building. As they go, Nick notices that there’s no one around, and the sun’s going down, and all the shops and restaurants are boarded up.

Ok, let’s just take a minute and stop right here. So, apparently, vamps have taken over the world. (We learn this over the course of the chapter, obviously, but I’ll spare you the long, drawn-out nature of these revelations.) And the first thing they’ve done is…ruin it.

Humans are vampire food, yes. But why would they take over and kill almost all their food sources? Dumb strike 1. And then, why on earth would they collapse economies and ruin cities? Vampires like nice things. They like clothes and houses and cars and books. Dumb strike 2. And to top it all off, being benign dictators for humans – which, no, I don’t know why they’d completely take over human governmental institutions and just run them exactly the same way, don’t ask me, I think it’s a lack of imagination – would make them trust you, and make it easier to rule the world! Dumb strike 3:

So, the world is run by vampires, who’ve ruined it all and turned humans into cowering food on feet instead of hooves, and Nick, Vachon, and Lacroix are all part of some sort of resistance cell. They keep refugees in the basement of Nick’s building, which is where they end up.

Urs is also human, and comes out to patch up Nick’s head. Despite what is surely a hell of a concussion, Lacroix insists he goes to work tonight – and Nick agrees. He’s fine, you guys! No worries at all!

And what job does he have, exactly?

The same one. Of course.

I know y’all missed it!

So then he’s off down memory lane, or something, thinking about all the things he knows about everyone in the basement and everyone at the station. Apparently, being a vampire is a prestige position, because if he does well enough at his job – and Lacroix says he is – he’ll get invited to turn.

So they’re so worried about who gets to be a vamp that you need an invitation, but they’ve just fucking trashed Toronto?

stop making me use this!

Anyway. Joe Reese is still the captain, but now he’s got fangs, and just abandoned his wife and daughter. Who now live in Nick’s basement. The daughter shows up as Vachon, Urs, and Lacroix leave. She asks Nick to tell Reese that she misses him, and she throws some 8-year-old shade at Lacroix for wanting to kill her dad, but the point of her is just to hand Nick the doll he asked Nat to get for him in New York. She leaves, and Nick lies down to get some sleep before work (because that’s exactly what you do with a concussion).

And he wakes up in his apartment, back in the “real” world, fangs intact. The “dream” he’s had fades quickly, but the doll now has a fucked up leg that won’t go back down.

So, hopefully we can get a plot going next chapter, since I feel like all the ground work has been well and truly laid in the last 5,000 words or so. Because I need something to actually happen, you guys, or there’ll just be a lot more of that old lady meme up there.

Next week: New memes! More implausible vampire shenanigans! And my salty ass, giving you the rundown so you can suffer with me!

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