Heh heh. Get it? Dying? Oh, the dead love their puns. Lucky for them, so do I!
A couple of rich women get out of their limo, and their limo driver is promptly killed after he tells the killer that, sure, he’s exactly who he’s looking for! Then there’s a really weird scene of some lady working out, and then the rich ladies are back in the limo and telling their new driver – who they don’t notice is new, of course, because they’ll name the help if they have to, but they certainly won’t bother to get to know them – to go to “Alfonso’s”. New driver doesn’t take them there, of course, and Rich Mother starts yelling at him. He turns around and Rich Mother freaks out when she realizes he’s not the help she knows. He drives them to a warehouse. This is all intercut with Working Out Lady taking a bath and then getting out, all frazzled, only to call Stonetree and tell him that there’s definitely been a kidnapping, even though she doesn’t know where. Ooh, a psychic!
Opening credits, then Nick and Schenke and a metric fuckton of uniforms are investigating the warehouse and the limo. The psychic is there, putting her hands on everything, and making announcements about the crime. Stonetree lets her introduce herself to the victims’ husband/father (Mr. Hedges), and flat out says that she’s a psychic. I love it when Metro Police live up to their sterling reputation.
Ms. Psychic – Denise something-or-other – is still crawling all over the crime scene, sitting in the car and talking about the dead driver, and when Nick comes over to see what’s up, she starts getting all these impressions about him. Schenke, of course, thinks she’s daft, like all psychics are.
Denise points them to the dead chauffeur, and of course he’s there, because Denise is The Real Deal. Good thing for Stonetree, introducing her to victims and shit. She gets to sit in on the autopsy, too, and put her hands all over the dead guy. No gloves. Because this is Metro Police, bitches, and we don’t need no stinkin’ protocols to preserve evidence!
Nick is standing right next to her, of course, and so she sees a bunch of Lacroix and vamp-fights and all that jazz. I have to say, I’m a little envious. We could use some Lacroix up in this joint. Denise runs out of the morgue, because she can’t handle the truth!
So far, Schenke hasn’t been able to find any of Hedges’ enemies. A ransom demand finally comes in, with Daughter’s necklace and a request for a million in cash, no cops, or the ladies bite it. Hedges thinks the psychic is a waste of time, and honestly, I’m with him on this. Who brings in a psychic right away? Who tells the victim that their case is in the hands of said psychic? Metro Police, that’s who.
Flashback Time! Nick’s a…Puritan? Okay, sure, I’ll run with that. At least he has a full wig instead of a clip-on mullet, so maybe they blew this season’s hair budget on this episode. He’s talking to someone he calls “Brother Matthew”, who insists he saw Nick flying. First one who’s going to believe his own damn eyes in this series. Almost the last, too.
Nick goes to Denise’s to pick her up, and she tells him he ought to believe in past lives. Now, I know that she’s seeing weird shit and she thinks she’s all clairvoyant and whatever, but really, maybe she should wait a bit to find out what’s going on with Nick, hmmm?
Apparently, Denise gets to be in on the money drop. For fuck’s sake, guys. Hedges could only raise 500K, but Nick says that’ll probably be enough, and takes Denise on a tour of the house. I’m not sure why that’s necessary, but wevs. At least he’s not making out with her, because for once, the main female guest star is not attracted to him at all. Point for Denise.
She picks up on all these fights that Hedges has had with his wife and daughter, but there’s more Nick crap, and she wants to quit. She runs down the stairs and Nick tells Hedges that everything’s under control, then tells Denise that she’s fine. Yes. Nick tells Denise that Denise is okay. This guy.
Hedges goes off to answer the phone, and Denise tells Nick that she’s seeing him, all covered in blood. The phone’s for Nick, though: Mother Hedges has been killed, so Nick just lets Denise think she’s going insane.
Back in Salem, or wherever, Brother Matthew and his complete lack of chin are praying about all the strange things they’ve seen together. Nick says it’s all his imagination, but Matthew knows better. Matthew needs answers from God.
Schenke’s annoyed with the psychic, and Nick’s convinced something’s fishy about this “kidnapping”. After all, why would the kidnappers kill an asset before they’ve received any cash? And Denise picked up on a lot of fighting, which is totally a fact, and shouldn’t be backed up with independent investigation at all. Denise comes in to tell Stonetree she’s off the case.
OMG, you guys, this episode is seriously so. boring. We’re already more than halfway through, and do you see how funny this blog post is? Not at all. Because I have nothing to work with, here. I mean, yes, I could make Dutch Boy jokes about Nick, who spends all his flashback time looking like this:
but seriously, there is nothing funny going on. Not even anything mildly amusing. We need a trip to The Raven or a Lacroix sighting, STAT. I’ll even take Nat yelling at Nick over something that isn’t, ostensibly, how he’s ignoring her hots for him, but totally really is. Anything.
Instead, though, it’s flashback time, and Brother Matthew thinks he’s going crazy. Nick tries to put the mojo on him and make him forget, but Matthew isn’t having it. He just wants the truth from Nick, who of course won’t give it to him.
Nat thinks Nick should tell Denise the truth. I’m with her on this. If anyone’s going to keep your secret, it’s probably a psychic. Because even if she tells people, no one will believe her. Nick doesn’t want to, though, because he thinks she’ll go crazy. Of course, he didn’t tell Matthew, and he hanged himself.
Stonetree calls Nick to see what he did to Denise, because she quit the case. So Nick flies out the window and goes to tell her he’s a vampire, complete with forcing the lock on her door and vamping-out in her living room.
WOAH. HANG ON A SEC. Bitch decorated her kitchen like it’s fucking Texas!
I feel like the reasons behind that fugtastic kitchen would make such a better story than Missing Mr. Hedges and his complicated murder-the-family scheme. Jesus. What kind of a print is that on the tablecloth? Navajo? When I was 17, my family moved from Connecticut to Arizona. My mother went a little crazy with blonde wood and cowboy-print upholstery in the dining room. But you know what she never did? PUT DEAD DINNER ON THE WALL.
Denise is happy she’s not “crazy”, although I think that dining room says otherwise, and just rolls with the vampire thing. She wants to go looking for Hedges, who threw off the tail Metro PD had given him. Nick takes her back to Hedges’ house, where Schenke’s waiting to throw shade at psychics. So Denise throws some right back, making Schenk think that Myra’s out fooling around. And then we get five minutes of Schenke’s phone conversation with Myra.
Hedges turned the phone tap off when he got the ransom call, and Denise is convinced that Mom-and-Daughter Hedges knew a secret. Turns out Hedges was embezzling, of course, and they knew it. Hedges meets with the kidnappers and gives them their cash, but they haven’t killed Daughter yet, and he’s kind of pissed about that, because the kidnapper/killers have told her everything. Hedges opens the trunk and points a gun at Daughter, but Denise busts in and calls him a monster. He takes Denise hostage, then shoots her, so Nick frees Daughter and then flies away with Denise. Because, you know, it’s not like that’s a CRIME SCENE, and she’s not a WITNESS, or anything.
So Nick flew away with her, and then she just…dies. Then there’s this ridiculous montage with really bad “rock” “music” and Nick remembering everything that happened this episode and playing chess by himself and bouncing a ball against the wall like he’s House.
It will get better.
Show SGRoA Post List