Snowflakes! Oh em gee, you guys, this has been the craziest month. So there was Christmas, and all that, and then I got the flu on the 26th, because I told the universe I couldn’t get sick before Christmas, and it took me at my word. Then New Year’s, and I started to feel better, but then I got a cold! I seriously feel like I’ve been in bed for a month. It’s awful.
But! Good news, everyone!
OK, let’s do this thing.
They have talk radio on FM in Canada, apparently. Oh, but only sexxxy talk radio. The radio host is taking calls and smoking in the studio when she gets this weird sort of threatening call from some dude in glasses who’s apparently killing a woman while he’s talking on the phone. Talk about multi-tasking.
So the host goes to the station and gives a statement to Stonetree. Still smoking. She literally runs into Nick on the way out, and he looks interested, because of course he is. The host is Dr. Christina Noble, and Stonetree’s putting Nick on the case, even though there’s no body yet. Nick thinks she looked scared, but Schenke isn’t buying it, and says she’ll just be back on the radio. And, of course, she is, talking about responding to situations with one’s “shadow side”. Schenke claims he never listens to the show, but he knows everyone she’s had on in the last week, and Nick totally calls him on it.
The killer calls again, of course. He says he’s “in the bridal suite” and we see a woman tied up in front of him. Nick stops the car and tells Schenke to call it in so he can start flying over the city, listening for the caller, I guess.
Christina keeps asking the caller who the woman is, but the caller says she’s “nothing”, and that makes Nick flashback before he finds the guy. Lacroix is saying that someone’s going to die because Nick is nothing.
Schenke gets a call on the police band about a homicide in progress, and Nick flies to the radio station. Schenke goes to find a body; Nick finds fuck-all. Good job, guys!
At the apartment of the murdered woman, Nat makes a vampire joke and no one can find a connection to the caller-killer. The Kaller? The Motorola Razr? No, he strangles, so –
Anyway. Nick *69s the vic’s phone, and of course it was a call to the studio. Nick, Schenke, and Stonetree have a very procedural conversation, and everyone’s acting like an actual cop for once. Huh.
Nick goes to the studio to get a tape of the show, but apparently the show isn’t over? So he’s in the booth, listening. Oh, no, wait, he’s got the phone tracker all set up. Which is good, only Motorola is timing his call with a stopwatch. (Hey, there’s another tool we don’t use anymore. Now it’s on a phone. Ever sat and thought about how many things we have on a phone, now? Instead of being separate things? It’s, like, a shit-ton.) They don’t get a trace, obvies, but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, because he was calling from a phone booth. (Eh? See?)
Schenke’s been checking bridal suites, and he calls in to the station to say he’s found body #2. Nick actually doesn’t tell Christina anything, and doesn’t drag her to the crime scene.
Flashback time! Janette and Lacroix are torturing some dude, and Nick isn’t having any of it. Janette says something about the dude looking like Lacroix’s father, but – SPOILER – she couldn’t have known Lacroix’s father, and I doubt he showed her a bust of the guy or anything. Weird. Anyway, Lacroix thinks Nick should take the time to enjoy a kill, and Nick is all Nopetopus about it.
Back at the crime scene, Christina has found a way in. Pushy witnesses, all up in the cops’ Kool-Aid. They’re actually trying to do a good job this time, lady. Don’t mess it all up.
Motorola’s been dressing the vics up, and the cops have found lipstick at the scene. Christina offers some unsolicited opinions about how Motorola was using it on the vics, not himself, and Schenke’s all “She’s not supposed to be here!” and Nick’s all, “You’re right! But she could be useful, so I will supervise her here as the techs finish.”
Schenke goes to the hospital – with a warrant – to see if Motorola has a psych record. I guess he’s looking for similar M.O.s? This seems a little backward. Christina’s profiling the guy at the last scene, and doing a decent job of it, but Nick’s giving her all sorts of details, even though he’s not supposed to.
Christina had some patient that she couldn’t help, so she hospitalized him. But when he got out, he murdered his mother. That’s why Christina left private practice, and they assume that Motorola is acting out his fantasies of killing his mom. Seems like a weird leap, but wevs. It’s flashback time!
Which is boring. Lacroix has daddy issues. I super don’t care.
Nick tells Christina she should tell Stonetree about her profiling, and she says she will. They eyefuck each other for a bit, and then Christina’s off to her car and Nick climbs in his trunk for the day.
Stonetree isn’t happy that Nick broke the rules and let Christina profile the guy. Schenke is still at the hospital, going through files, and Christina’s profile should narrow it down for him. He’s not very happy about it, though, saying that he’s looking for “Norman Bates”. Dude. You have been there for, like, two days. Any help at this point should be welcomed, right?
Christina gets a call from a “former patient” who doesn’t want to be on the air. Obvies it’s the kid who killed his mom, and he didn’t get jail time, because he’s been “out of the hospital for about a year”. Motorola’s really been affecting him, and Christina tells him to check in to the hospital, but he says no.
Oh, snap: Schenke’s finally out of the records room, and he has Former Patient’s file as his best guess at the perp. Of course Christina’s agreeing to meet the dude. And this episode has been going so well, Nick and Schenke are on their way to warn her, right?
Tarot? A really weird pinochle deck? Who knows? Nick’s lying on the floor, throwing cards around, listening to “rock” music and playing quotes from everyone in the episode. And then he starts playing chess with himself.
And did all that while Christina drove to Motorola’s house. Guys, get your timelines together. Please.
Nick’s finally put together that Christina’s in danger, but of course he can’t find her, because she skipped out on the show to go meet the killer. So Nick sits in for her, in case Motorola calls in?
This is a shitty plan, dude.
Turns out, Motorola escaped from the hospital. Whew. I was thinking that Canada was maybe a little too lenient with their criminal justice system, you know? He turns on the radio to see how the show is working without her, and hears Nick discussing fantasies. So he calls in – using a gun to dial the phone, whut – and stays on too long, and gets traced. Nick puts Schenke on the air and flies off to save the day.
Which obviously he does, but not before we have to hear a lot of whining from the mental patient and watch him shoot Nick to no effect before falling into a high-voltage cage on his roof. Again, I say: WHUT.
But the doctor’s alive, they only have two bodies, and the boring flashback only had two scenes. All in all, a good episode. I was very proud of the actual police work everyone did. And there’s an adorable scene at the end where Nick’s calling in to the sexxxy show so Schenke can tell the host all about his kinky “man in uniform” stories, which just makes me think everyone had a great time on set. And if they didn’t, I don’t want to hear about it. Let me keep my fantasy, okay?
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