What’s that, Snowflakes? It’s still snowing where you are? Well, suck it, because I’m in Florida and it’s wonderful. Too hot, to be sure, but that’ll just make the Easter snowstorm we’re sure to have that much more bearable.
Two people are making out in…an elementary school classroom? There’s teddy bears. Not sexy. The dude pulls away and says he can’t do this anymore, that “it’s sick, you know?” and leaves. A woman comes to the door and accuses the first woman of being in there with someone, but accepts her denial and says, “Come on, the meeting’s starting.”
Oh, yay. It’s addicts. Nothing is quite so compelling to the sober people among us as the intrigue involved in AA. /sarcasm. Look, I understand that AA and other 12-step programs can be very helpful to people. I do. I’m glad that they’ve traded a harmful addiction for one that helps them. But really, that’s all it is. Addictive personalities just trade one for the other – and if you have to have a conversation with them, maybe it’s better to hear about meetings or what step they’re on or whatever, but it’s not interesting, that’s for damn sure.
A dude leaves the meeting to find a bottle in his car, and then it’s curtains for him. The perp throws a lighter into the car, and then it’s time for the credits.
Schenke can’t get any last names out of the witnesses, because duh. No one saw anything; they just heard the shot and then came out to see the car on fire. Schenke bums a smoke off of one of the witnesses, and he’s enjoying his first couple of drags when HOLY SHIT WE’RE IN THE MATRIX.
She gives him some shit about being a smoker – because smoking is totally the same as alcoholism – and introduces herself as Monica Howard. She was the vic’s sponsor, and says he was doing well with his recovery, and all they talked about was booze. Schenke asks what her addiction is, and she won’t say.
Nick’s painting some huge-ass canvas almost all in black and looking tortured when his phone rings. He drinks some blood and lets it go to the machine, and it’s Schenke calling to tell him Stonetree wants him to go undercover in the 12-step group, even though he’s on vacation. So he goes to ask Nat for advice, who says that they’re helpful for human addictions. He wonders if it will help him give up the blood, and she says it won’t hurt him to give it a shot.
So Nick goes to the meeting, where Monica is talking about “feeding the beast” – the beast, of course, being the addiction. Nick uses this time to think about people he’s eaten, and at the end of the meeting, he steals the sign-in sheet. Monica approaches him to welcome him, and some other woman standing nearby tells him that he shouldn’t feel pressured to join this group permanently. Monica agrees, but one of her sponsees comes by and says that she’s the best, and why would you want to go anywhere else?
Which was a mistake, because dude bites it in the next scene. Someone he says hello to sticks a needle in his arm.
Nick thinks it’s the same killer – both vics were killed with their addictions, and shortly after meetings. Nat provides time of death, and reinforces Nick’s theory. Nick pulls Schenke aside and tries to do the first step – admitting to himself and someone he loves that he has an addiction. Schenke tells him he’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with him. And I don’t think there is, either, because being off the blood – even for just a day – has made him sort of fuzzy and unable to think.
Step 2 is to pour all his blood down the drain, apparently. And he worked so hard on it, in his puffy shirt, with that gravy boat.
He has a nightmare about talking in front of the group and admitting his addiction, complete with a bleeding podium and Lacroix carrying Monica through the room, Lacroix telling Nick he’ll never win and Monica telling him he will. Lacroix offers Monica’s throat, and Nick eats her, then wakes up all blood-sweaty.
He meets Monica at a diner, and tries some French fries, all emoed out. No, seriously, this is his French fry expression:
Monica tells him he has to trust that the pain means he’s getting better, and when the fry stays down, he gets all happy and tells her she helps a lot. She thanks him and says that makes her feel really good, something that’s in short supply lately. And then she asks him if he wants the red pill or the blue one.
No, she mentions the murders, and says that both vics were her sponsees. Nick asks how close she was to them, actually, and she gets all mad, because it’s a rule that there are no relationships between sponsors and members. Nick backs off, and says something about just learning the rules and learning to trust. Monica tells him she understands, and he should take as much time as he needs, and she gets a little handsy with Nick’s hands while she does.
In the precinct, Schenke’s ranting about how everyone has a “problem” these days, instead of just habits, and Nat’s trying to convince him his smoking is out of control. Then she turns to Nick and tells him he looks great, and he’s all “French fries!” and she’s all, “No!” and Schenke’s all, “WTF is wrong with you people?”
Stonetree asks if there’s been any progress, and Nick brings him up to speed on Monica. Stonetree asks Nick who his sponsor is, and Nick says, “Monica.” DUN DUN DUN.
Nick talks at the next meeting, saying it’s been three days since he stopped abusing, and he’s still alive. Everyone’s happy for him except the woman who dragged him away from Monica after the first meeting – she looks positively sour. (Had to go back for her name: it’s Hillary.) Everyone except Hillary seems to love Monica – she’s magical, she helps so many people, OMG she shits puppies and rainbows!
Nick goes out to his car after the meeting, and someone’s following him. The killer, we assume, given it’s the same killer’s-eye-view we’ve gotten of the two murders. Nick’s onto that, though, and drives into an alley and confronts the follower: Monica.
She just wants to talk, she says, so Nick takes her home. Good plan, Nick. Monica says she has the feeling Nick is on a very sharp edge, just like her, and that’s why they connect so well. She admires his “art”, and he calls it his beast. Monica riffs on the theme, while coming on to Nick. Nick says they have to control themselves, that he needs his sponsor, and she says she needs him, too. Nick tells her to go home and pushes her away, and she tells him not to get self-righteous on her. Recovery is just the space between fixes. I think we know what she’s addicted to, don’t we, boys and girls?
She yells that Nick’s just like the rest of them. The beast never goes away; there’s no cure; Nick better get used to carrying it on his back. And then she leaves, to get “help”. Nick hallucinates Lacroix as she slams the door, and Lacroix is appropriately mocking, telling Nick to find that last bottle he’s hidden. It’s in the fireplace. Nick falls off the wagon as Schenke calls to tell him that Monica’s been picked up thrice for giving massages at some hotel.
Nick goes to The Raven, like you do when you want to go on a blood bender. He tells Janette he’s “revamping” himself, and it’s not a pun.
He’s all angry about how there’s nothing good about mortality and there are no answers in immortality and Janette basically does the Tina Fey eyeroll at him and cuts him off, then tells him to dance a little and get it out of his system. Janette, you are a saint to put up with him at all. But then Nick gets a little too friendly with one of the mundanes, and Janette calls Schenke to come pick him up. Nick almost kills this poor girl, but Janette stops him just before Schenke and Nat come in. Trouble is, Nick is all vamped out and can’t be around people. Janette tries to warn them off, but Nat insists on talking to him.
God, Nick is so fucking insufferable like this. Like, was he 15 when he was turned, or something? He’s so awful. He turns on Nat, wondering what secrets she’s hiding – is she writing a paper on him? Is it some cheap sexual thrill? Nat is the voice of reason, telling Nick that life isn’t easy and Monica’s a codependent who lost control. Nick’s all, “She broke my trust!” and Nat asks if he knows where she is, and Nick’s all, “Oh, yeah, I’m a cop.”
Nat tells him to let Schenke bring her in, but Nick vamps out and goes to show her “what backsliding really is.” Nick goes to the massage hotel and finds Monica with another body. But he doesn’t think she did it. Nat says the killer’s right-handed, so prove Monica’s a lefty.
They bring her in and ask for a list of people in the group she’s fucked, and oh, snap – lefty.
Nick goes to a meeting and confesses that he’s a cop and urges the people to break the privacy rules and come forward, that he’ll keep it as private as he can. Way to go, Nicktard.
Amazingly, Hillary calls. I mean, not really that amazing. She’s been all weird the whole time. She sets a meeting up with Nick, who goes to the spot and finds Angie’s (some rando from the meetings) body with a note taped to it that says “Love Me”. Monica shows up, and Nick’s all, “The hell?” and then someone’s shooting at them.
Nick sends Monica out to call 911, and he goes after the shooter. He finds her in the main meeting room – it’s Hillary, of course. She’s grabbed Monica, who’s her sister, and she’s killed all these people just to protect Monica. Luckily, Nick called Schenke before he went to the meeting, so he and a bunch of uniforms rush in just in time to hear Hillary’s confession.
Nick finishes his ode to ketchup and mustard and Nat says she likes it.
I think she was just hungry.Show SGRoA Post List