Morning, lovelies! I hope everyone who celebrated had a wonderful Mothers’ Day. I got to go out for Chinese and a scary movie – Oculus, which I can’t recommend enough to fans of ghost stories and psychological horror. I also got about four inches of snow, but such is life in the Rockies. Let’s recap!
We open in New Orleans, 1899. A woman in a nightgown is brushing her hair in a room full of fog and candles. A man comes in, and through their dialogue, we know that she’s engaged to another dude and can’t call it off. They start making out, and dude’s got fangs! A voice over begins, and the woman in the nightgown turns out to be an author, Emily, reading from her latest release on a television interview show.
Emily leaves the studio and a particular fan is trying to get her to read a letter. She pays no attention to him and heads into the dressing room to wait for her car. Suddenly, the lights go out, and she’s attacked by some dude and bitten on the neck. We’ve had a shot of Lacroix lurking about the studio, so I think we’re supposed to think it’s him, but of course it’s not. Dude in the dressing room is way too short, and since when has Lacroix ever had to sneak up on someone instead of seducing them? I have a feeling he’s just keeping an eye on the novelist. Mircalla Karnstein would approve.
Nick and Schenke are called in to protect Emily, since she’s on a night schedule and pressure’s coming from top brass to keep this woman alive. Schenke complains about the captain’s orders – they’re homicide, after all; “ex post facto guys” as Schenke puts it – and it turns out that our lovely Cap is a fan.
Emily’s not so hot on 24/7 police protection, either. She says it was just a crazy fan, and the police should investigate, but this is all unnecessary. Nick wants Nat to take a look at Emily’s wound, and Emily’s all, “That’s weird,” but Nick’s like, “No, it’s not.”
Nat takes a look and says yes, it’s a bite mark, but if it were a vamp, he was scared off before he had time to do any damage. I guess she can’t really use lab resources to DNA test the saliva in the bite – or they didn’t swab it. It was only 1994, after all.
Nick thinks Emily was giving him eyeballs. Nat’s all, “Um, yeah, you’re kind of hot, for 1994 syndicated Canadian television,” and he’s all, “No, her books are too good. She knows too much,” and leaves. So Nat obviously picks up her copy of the book and reads aloud to Fabulous Bitch, who’s also been reading it. It’s the Twilight of the Metro PD, I guess.
Nick heads over to The Raven. He’s looking for Lacroix, because he’s convinced an actual vampire tried to kill Emily. Janette approves: Emily’s work is too accurate, and the world is taking her just a bit too seriously, for comfort. Uh-oh, Em. Better watch out. This sounds like a novel I wrote once.
At the safe house, Emily’s working and Schenke’s reading her book – The Denied. He’s less than impressed. What’s your bet? Schenke’s a Patterson man, right? Or Dan Brown? Yeah.
They get involved in a conversation about the nature of vampirism and why it appeals to people – “A vampire exists in a constant state of desire and disgust.” Bored with the conversation, everyone else leaves – Emily seems to be traveling with her agent, maybe? and an editor? a publicist? It’s pretty murky, but two people are always with her. Anyway, Nick takes the opportunity to tell Em that her work is full of “passion”, and she’s all “But I’m not, right?” and Nick’s all, “No, you’re the guest star, and it’s been several episodes since I macked on someone inappropriate, so I can tell you’re just keeping it all bottled up.” Emily looks uncomfortably down at her keyboard and Nick actually takes the hint and leaves her to her work.
Nick goes home and starts reading the book, and instead of flashbacks this episode, we have scenes from the book. Nick is, of course, the vampire hero, Christian, and Lacroix features as LaSalle, the villain. Emily is Sophie, our heroine, because we’re always writing autobiography.
There’s a big conversation between “Christian” and “LaSalle” about embracing vampire nature and killing “Sophie”. If Christian won’t do it, LaSalle will, because it’s the only way Christian can keep her forever. Same old, same old, but it’s nice to see Nick and Lacroix in white tie and tails.
At the safe house, Emily’s exploring her feelings for Nick. She goes out to the living room and asks Schenke if Nick’s coming by tonight – rather hilariously scaring him in the process, since he’s now all into the book and there’s a thunderstorm and it’s spooooooooky. Schenke says Nick will be along shortly, and Em’s all, “Oh, great, I was kind of mean to him and want to apologize.”
Meanwhile, the cop in the car across the street gets eaten. Luckily, he survives, so I’m thinking it’s not actually vampires, but I have a feeling that this is going to ratchet up the tension in the community, and it’ll all be on Nick’s shoulders to deal with it.
Emily says she feels like this is all her fault, and Nick rightly tells her it’s not. She spaces out a little, and Nick asks what’s up, and she says nothing – she was just thinking of something from a long time ago. Nick offers to take Emily to his apartment, which is actually smarter than inappropriate. I mean, he knows if it’s real vampires, he’s the only one who can protect her. And if it’s fake vampires, he’s still a cop. And on top of all that, he can maybe dig around and see if she really knows anything about the community, or if she’s as harmless as she claims. I have to say, I’m impressed, Nick.
Nick stops by The Raven to ask Janette to babysit while he’s at work. Janette’s not into it – “It’s like asking the fox to guard the henhouse!” – but Nick insists he trusts Janette, and she agrees. She shows up in a fabulous leather coat and her bitchiest face, and I fall a little bit more in love.
Meanwhile, in the lab, Nat’s still reading, and now she’s Sophie and Nick is still Christian. Guys, this episode is so much fun. Everyone in the little novel bits is hamming it up like nobody’s business, and honestly, you can tell they’re having a ball.
Nick surprises Nat, and she’s all, “Fine, I’m a fan!” She asks Nick if it were ever really like that, and he says not really, but Emily hits more often than she misses.
Back at the apartment, Janette asks Emily if she’s falling in love with Nick. “Well, he seems like a good man,” and Janette says, “Yes, he does seem like that, doesn’t he?”
Nat’s giving Nick the same questionnaire, and telling him that if he has feelings, he should act on them. “Nope. Too dangerous,” he says, and leaves.
Janette asks Emily how she does her research, and Em’s all, “Buh? They’re made up.” Janette’s having some trouble ignoring all the sweet, sweet blood under Emily’s skin, but she made a promise to Nick, so she controls herself. She looks up to the skylight and sees Lacroix, who tells her that she’s not the one to kill Emily.
At the safe house, looking for clues, Schenke’s telling Nick all about vampires. Hee. Nick finds a fake ruby in a sewer grate and sends it off to the lab with Schenke while he stays behind to look for more clues. He doesn’t find any, but he does find Lacroix, who tells him that it’s up to Nick to kill Emily. She’s too close to the truth.
Nick goes home to check on Emily, and Janette tells him the same thing as she leaves. Emily mentions how beautiful Janette is, and Nick assures her she’s just a friend. He asks Emily why she writes about vampires the way she does, and she says they strike her as more human than humans. Which…yeah. Sort of. Writing about vampires lets you very directly address very human questions: the nature of life and death, the nature of morality, what it actually means to be human, how you can hold onto humanity in the face of very present and banal evil. Thanks for getting it right, FK.
Emily tells Nick she can open up to him like no one else, so he asks about her weird space-out earlier in the evening. She tells him about a guy she knew in high school, with whom she was friends. He fell in love with her, and she tried to let him down easy, but he ended up killing himself over her. She thinks that’s her fault, too, and of course it isn’t. She can’t let anyone in, so she writes instead, to bury the longing for passion and love. So of course Nick kisses her and then is all, “I can’t,” and she’s all, “Don’t turn away,” and he’s all “I’m turning myself away.” Oh, so noble. Blech. Emily leaves to get ready for her book signing.
At the signing, Nick’s wandering among the crowd looking for suspicious people. Emily gets up – leaving a long line of people – to rest her hand and talk to Nick and Schenke. Schenke has notes for her about the scene where LaSalle brings Christian across: “Couldn’t it be a little more real?” And then, of course, we come to the real treat of the episode: Schenke as LaSalle, complete with a terrible British accent and more overacting than you can shake a stake at. Jon Kapelos does an amazing Nigel Bennett, is what I’m saying, here.
And of course, Lacroix is in the bookstore, making fun of psychology books and reminding Nick of his duty. Before they can get too into the convo, a dude in line – same dude who was shouting about letters at the television station – lunges at Emily. Nick and Schenke take him in, but while they’re doing so, a letter comes to the precinct: “I am still near her. I am always watching over her.” So they don’t think letter-dude is the attempted-vampire-murderer dude.
Nick goes to Emily’s reading, but instead of scanning the crowd, he’s just sitting there, listening, putting himself into the novel again. Sophie’s asking for immortality, and in the classic repentant vampire mold, Christian is telling her he can’t possibly condemn her.
Christian, however, actually brings her across – or at least bites her, so he’s one better than Nick.
Backstage, Nick notices someone has a cane with a leopard head, and it’s missing one of its red glass eyes. My guess? The random dude who’s her editor or publicist or whatever. Oh, and I’m right. Apparently, his name is Andrew, and he’s telling Emily that she’s writing about people she knows, that there might be an actual vampire in their midst, one who wants to be with her forever. Turns out the cane is Christian’s, and Andrew’s all creepily macking on Emily, who keeps trying to convince him that there is, in fact, a difference between fact and fiction. Emily tries to leave the room, to get Nick, and Andrew picks her up and bundles her off.
Nat comes to the theatre and tells Nick that it was definitely a human doing the biting, and Nick puts it all together – the cane, the note with wording from the book, and Andrew. Andrew’s taken Emily up to the roof and keeps calling her Sophie, saying he’s going to fling them off the roof to bring them across. Nick finds them and Andrew calls him LaSalle, so Nick vamps out and pulls all the mojo to get Andrew to stop. Andrew comes down from the ledge and lets Emily go, and while Nick and Em are gazing at each other in wonder and fear, Lacroix drinks Andrew down and throws the body off the roof.
Emily immediately asks Nick to change her, and Lacroix is goading him to kill her, but we all know he’s not going to do either. He mojos her into forgetting and never writing about vampires again.
In our epilogue, Nat tells Nick that what he felt for Emily was a positive thing, and especially so because he didn’t take her for his own – he sacrificed his happiness to allow her to live, which makes him that much more human. There’s a little “I’m so in love with you, Nat” subtext, but it doesn’t go anywhere – like always – and she leaves him to his thoughts.
Next week: Scary ancient evil! Of indeterminate form! That Nick might not be able to stop! That sounds like a good one, too, although frankly? Nothing this series does is ever going to top Schenke’s Lacroix impression.Show SGRoA Post List