Snowflakes! I am alive! The holiday season – and the kitchen renovation we did – was much more taxing than I thought it would be. Also, I got sick. But I’m better now, the kitchen is done (and it’s gorgeous, OMG, I love cooking again), and I am looking for any excuse not to edit GOLD. Let’s recap!
Some lady is carrying way too much stuff and stops for the mail. I know, you think “Murdered on her stoop!”, but you’d be wrong. She gets an anonymous Valentine’s Day card with some terrible poetry and no signature. But uh-oh: the poem inside is missing the last line, which is written ON HER WALL. Boom: Murder in the living room.
Yeah, but I don’t run into a dead person every week. At least, not IRL.
Instead of our usual crime-scene exposition, this week treats us to The Nightcrawler’s musings on love: “a blip on the monitor of involuntary human response”, especially compared to the less-savory aspects of human nature. He then gives us a history lesson about St. Valentine, and assures us that power comes in the absence of love. “But we never learn, do we?”
LACROIX Flashback Time! Oooohhhh, I remember this one. Not a favorite, despite all the Lacroix. He’s kind of whiny.
Anyway. Some pretty dame in a 13th-century gown is asking Lacroix to take her, because she can’t live without him. And then we’re back in the studio, decrying St. Valentine, his holy day, and love in general.
Nick and Nat are listening to all this in Nick’s apartment. Nat is giving Lacroix shit about being unattractive and scraping skin cells off Nick’s neck. Nick admits that Lacroix does seem more down than usual, and Nat thinks it’s because V-Day is fast approaching. Then she gives Nick his Valentine’s present: a silver pillbox so he’ll remember to take his vitamins. I’m not making a joke, here – it is literally for vitamins.
Nick seems almost about to…I don’t even know. Ask Nat out, or something? He doesn’t have a present for her, and he dances around whether he even celebrates Valentine’s, but then his phone rings and her pager goes off and we’re off to the crime scene.
The vic did research for an ad agency.
The card – and the wall – are hand-written. Nick thinks a card wouldn’t be enough to sweep the victim off her feet, but Nat says she had a demanding career and probably not a lot of time to date, so a card might be all it took to distract her for a critical moment.
And now it’s Nick’s Flashback Time. Janette is urging him to get out of the sun, and they plus Lacroix make it to shelter just as Lacroix’s skin is starting to blister. He chews Nick out, because Nick made them go to his home, just because his mother and sister haven’t seen him since before the Crusades. Of course his sister comes down the stairs just then, and she – despite having the blandest North-American accent ever – finally pronounces “Nicolas” correctly. I was beginning to think Deborah Duchene was the only one who knew what the fuck she was doing.
Anyway, Nick’s sister’s name is Fleur. She’s in her nightgown and robe, and totally goes over to Lacroix to inspect his injuries (from a skirmish “down the road”, Nick says). Real nice 1200s Catholic girl, there. No wonder Lacroix falls for her. Obviously a harlot.
Nick’s mom comes in, drawn by the noise, I assume. She wants to get them some food, but he’s all, “We must rest, we’ll talk tonight.” She says okay, and shows everyone to their rooms.
Back in the future, Captain Cohen is saying that the murderer’s MO matches a bunch of murders in Montreal last year – the Valentine Killer. There’s some blah blah about evidence and unreturned library books, and then Schanke’s talking about heading to Vegas and complaining about the cost involved in having another holiday so close to Christmas. Nick reminds him that Myra wants to go to Hawaii, and then Schanke complains that women don’t know what they want. Nick says that they do: “They want a man who isn’t afraid to express his love.”
Schanke walks away, and Nick offers to walk Nat to her car. But uh-oh, someone’s watching!
On the radio, Lacroix is still bitching about love. Dude. Seven hundred years is way too long to hold a grudge like this, so thank god we’re flashing back – even if it is to bland, bland Fleur staring at the stars and reading an astronomy book before Lacroix comes up and gives her one of her own garden’s roses and kisses her hand.
Nick’s looking on with Janette, and he’s all big-brother-protective about it, but Janette points out that the attraction is mutual. Nick interrupts anyway, of course.
At the precinct, Cohen is confirming that according to the psych profiles, it’s the same dude as the Montreal killings. Nat confirms it again – cause of death is identical. Schanke wonders how any woman would fall for the card and the poetry, and Nick points out that any woman who’s “romantically neglected” is a target. Schanke goes home to take care of Myra, so Nick can point out that Nat’s taking this case pretty hard. He grabs her hand as she moves away and kisses it.
In the 1200s, Nick is telling Lacroix that he can’t be in love with Fleur, and Lacroix’s all, “I know, right? THIS IS AWFUL.” Ah, there’s the evil one we know and love!
Nat heads home, hands full of groceries and purses and what-all, and she leaves half of it in the hall when she unlocks the door. Nick pops up and scares her, and – You know what? Not that she would “deserve” it or anything if something happened, but if you see dead bodies every day, wouldn’t you be a little more cautious? I would be. Maybe she has an awesome doorman or something, I don’t know. Maybe Toronto is way safer than this show makes it seem. I just…I worry about Nat, sometimes.
Anyway, Nick comes in and toys with her emotions a bit, and she hasn’t even taken her coat off. Or maybe it’s like, a fashion coat? Like she’s supposed to wear it inside? I don’t remember that from the 90s, but I didn’t have to dress like a professional.
Back in the past, Lacroix and Fleur are making eyes at each other and barfing rainbows or something, I don’t care. This scene is mercifully short, but then we’re back with present-Lacroix whining about Fleur as he stands in front of Nat’s apartment building while Nat and Nick are making out.
And then Lacroix starts to have some sort of psychotic break, because he’s soliloquizing about…Nat, I guess? And killing her? And then there’s another murder, and Nat and Nick show up to the scene together. Rookie mistake, guys. Thank goodness Schanke doesn’t really notice.
Oh my giblets, we’re only halfway through.
In the past, Nick walks in on Lacroix promising Fleur eternal life, and stops him just before he bites her. He makes Fleur look at them both all vamped out, and she’s like, “Oh, yeah, that totes makes sense. Y’all were being super weird.” *shrug* “I’m down.”
Nick, of course, is not having any of that. Fleur is just a woman, after all, and therefore cannot make decisions. I’m Team Lacroix, here, even if he’s going on about how her beauty will die and he can preserve it.
Nick interrupts Nat’s preliminary examination to talk about kissing.
Nick decides to do his job for once, and finds that all the victims were engaged, and all did research at the library. He and Schanke head over there, and the downstairs librarian is giving out all the information, but Schanke’s upstairs flashing his badge and getting people into a hostage situation. Nick saves the day, of course, taking the research librarian into custody.
Stan the Killer Librarian’s confession triggers Nick’s flashback. He tells Lacroix that if he truly loves Fleur, he won’t change her, because it will destroy the innocence that Lacroix really loves.
Nat wonders if love is all simply an illusion. Nick makes V-Day plans with her. Lacroix lurks in the squad room, watching, plotting something that will probably be whiny and boring.
The next night, a dozen long-stemmed white roses come for Nat, along with a card inviting her to dinner – signed, “A Gentleman from the 13th century”.
She shows up and it’s Lacroix, of course. She doesn’t recognize him until he gives his name. Lacroix’s all smooth about it, saying that he thought it was time that they meet and that he bought out the whole restaurant for the evening. Nat’s on her guard, obviously, and good for her. She should be. But she’s willing to listen, at least for the moment.
Nick calls Nat, to no avail, so he goes down to the lab to find her, and finds the roses – and the card – instead. He flashes back to making all his sister’s decisions for her, and mojo-ing her into forgetting all about Lacroix. Lacroix promises retribution – that if Nick falls in love, Lacroix will take her from him. Nick agrees to this stupid bargain, and now we have the whole plot.
Nat and Lacroix are chatting about how much Nat loves Nick and Lacroix’s intolerance for food. Lacroix gives Nat some cheesy compliments, and he must be putting the mojo on her, because she’s all breathy and then he takes off her sweater and she doesn’t complain a bit.
Lacroix goes in for the bite, and Nick finally shows up. Thank Jeebus. I was getting really, really bored with their conversation about Nick and love and *barf*.
Nick accuses Lacroix of backing down on their agreement – that Lacroix wouldn’t invade Nick’s life with mindless killing. Lacroix reminds him of that other promise, so Nick convinces him he’s not in love with Nat. He’s just stringing her along so she won’t kill him and will help cure him.
Nat is all zonked out through all of this. Lacroix tells Nick to prove that he’s not in love, and bring Nat over. Nick says “Sure thing, boss!” and that really convinces Lacroix that Nick doesn’t love her – because he hates himself so much, he wouldn’t ever make her what he is. Lacroix takes himself off, luckily (?) before Nick bites Nat.
In the coda, Schanke’s in Hawaii because Myra surprised him for Valentine’s Day. Glad someone had a good one.
Nat stops by Nick’s desk and admits that she doesn’t remember anything. Nick tells her they had a good time, that was all, and she’s all, “Great! Got work to do!” and heads to the lab.
And Lacroix, as The Nightcrawler, signs us out with one last whiny soliloquy.
Next week: Product tampering! Nick insists on solving the case himself! I feel like everyone ran out of ideas as the season went on!Show SGRoA Post List