Snowflakes! It’s 70 degrees here! I can’t even tell you how happy I am to have some spring. I know we’ll have some more snow – probably on Easter, since I bought a new dress that will not work with boots – but hey, for now, I’m enjoying smoking on the patio.

Let’s recap!

A blind woman and her dog are out walking at night. The dog is whining, which is obviously a sound effect, because his tail is wagging. They find a bench and the lady lets him off his leash, presumably so he can get some exercise or poop or something. Do service dogs get trained to poop in the same places, or in, like, a doggie litterbox or something? Hmm. Questions I’ve never thought to ask.

Anyway. The dog is digging around, and two hands come out of the dirt and pull the dog down.

After the credits, we’re treated to Nick at home, taking off his gunbelt and drinking blood out of a sherry glass. Why? Just ’cause.

The lady calls her vet, because her dog has been “listless all day”. The vet says she can fit them in before Lady’s shift. But when Lady tries to take him out in the sun, Dog won’t go. Because he’s obviously a vampire. Good thing Lady works the night shift and Dog will still be able to walk her.

At the precinct, Tracy’s looking at Shar-Pei puppies for her nephew. She complains about the expense. I guess in the 90s there were no rescue organizations? Don’t buy puppies, Tracy! Rescue them!

Nick has a file for her, about a serial rapist, one of whose victims died after being attacked. Reese says that if they solve it, he’ll buy them both a puppy.

Nick takes a look at Tracy’s puppy-mill catalogue, and says something about how loyal and wonderful dogs are, and then it’s Flashback Time!

Some dog is following Nick, and he’s trying to get it to leave, but ultimately relents and takes the dog inside. He looks like a Rottweiler/Lab mix. Adorable dog. Nick is living in some rando cabin in the woods, and has hunted a deer for its blood, but give the meat to Raleigh – as in, Sir Walter. Maybe Nick’s colonizing Virginia?

Nick and Tracy get a call of a man dragging a woman out of her car – sounds like the rapist’s MO. Tracy’s a terrible front-seat driver, and I don’t blame her, given that Nick has somehow driven onto a film set and in front of a green screen instead of being out on the road like they usually are.

I shouldn’t make fun of them, I know. I’m sure there are budgetary reasons, or stupid governmental regulation reasons, for not being on the actual street. But still. It’s weird, given that they’ve always actually been driving, till now.

Anyway. Tracy gets on the radio with the dispatcher – who is the blind Lady! There’s been another sighting of the same perp? Or something? I don’t know, there’s a lot of babble about streets in Toronto that I don’t get. I mean, strong sense of place, and all, but between that and the police jargon they’re using, I’m just not sure what’s going on.

Oh, Lady’s name is Jodie! Good to know. Anyway, she backs up what Tracy just said to Nick about which route to take and then signs off. Dog is at work with her, of course, and some guy comes in with a bloody nose. Dog is all interested in that, and the guy drips blood on the floor. Dog licks it up. Because, again, he’s a vampire.

So…this exists.

The rapist is raping it up at the park, and Nick and Tracy split up to find him. Nick uses vampire powers, of course, and gets there first, but before he does, we’re treated to a lot of gross closeups of a woman’s blouse being undone and the rapist licking her face. Just…unnecessary, guys. Seriously.

The rapist runs away and catches a bus. He sits right behind Jodie and Dog, and Dog starts growling at him because he’s putting his hands all over Jodie and generally being gross. Perry. That’s the dog.

Jodie gets the driver’s attention, and rapist runs off the bus. Perry tries to follow him, but Jodie keeps a hold on him. They go home and go to bed, but Perry hears a woman screaming through the doggie door, and he rushes out without Jodie’s knowledge to save another woman from the rapist – by savagely attacking him.

Perry kills the rapist, and everyone goes out to the crime scene to look at the damage. Nick ain’t even mad, either, but Nat has questions.

Jodie calls the vet again, and says she’ll try to get him in tomorrow. A uniform comes by her desk, and tells her about the rapist being murdered. She also lets slip that the guy called himself “The Doctor of Love” – which is what the creep said to her on the bus. Jodie looks suspiciously worried, especially since Perry got out last night.

Nat tells Nick that the body was drained of blood, and asks if it was “anyone we know?” Nick can’t think of anyone, but suggests maybe it was a carouche – a lower form of vampire.

Up in the bullpen, the bus driver from last night comes in, talking about Jodie and Perry. He thinks that maybe it’s the same dog, and came in in case there’s a reward – for the dog.

In the sewers, Screed has rats on clotheslines, all hanging up, looking…delicious, I suppose. Nick pops in on him to ask about who might be eating dogs. I can’t understand half of what Screed says, but apparently there’s another carouche in town and Screed doesn’t like dogs. And maybe if he finds the dog he’ll kill it? I think? (This, by the way, is why I’ve never like Screed. I think he’s fine as a character, and lends a little depth to the whole world of vampires, but damn, dude. Take the marbles out of your mouth and try to speak in something besides Britishisms!)

Tracy and Nick go to see Jodie about her dog, based on the bus driver’s info. Tracy and Jodie were sorority sisters, apparently, and Jodie used to be a helicopter pilot. She’s pretty good-natured about it, but it is an adjustment.

She introduces them both to Perry, and Nick immediately knows he’s a vamp. Nick asks Jodie how Perry’s been lately, and Tracy asks for a sample of his fur while Nick finds the fang marks. Jodie does not want to give a sample – she doesn’t think Perry did it, and she’s afraid they’ll take him away. Which is valid. Service animals are even more difficult to give up, I’d imagine, as they’re often so integral to a person’s life, in more ways than regular dogs are.

Nick’s made a whole roast for Raleigh, and he’s feeding him when Lacroix comes in. Raleigh doesn’t like Lacroix, shockingly. Dogs only like good people, right? Because they’re terribly smart?

I’m not trying to rag on dogs, here (though I am a cat person), but I don’t know that dogs are such hugely good judges of character. I’m sure if you’re nice to the dog, it will like you. And I’m sure they can – like babies – pick up on changes of mood in the chief food-giver. I don’t know that this dog dislikes Lacroix because he’s Lacroix so much as that he’s picked up on Nick’s tension, and he doesn’t want anything to upset the chief food-giver, because that might result in less food.

Oh, Lacroix has the same idea I do. And that seems to be the crux of the whole scene: that Nick thinks of Raleigh as a friend, and Lacroix thinks of him as starvation rations, something that will follow anyone if it’s given food.

Nick offers to give Jodie and Perry a ride home at the end of the shift. Jodie accepts. At her place, she tells Nick that she lost her sight due to MS, and it’s progressing badly. It’s been less than a year since her diagnosis, and she has trouble walking and no vision. She talks to Nick about how her friends have dropped off, since she reminds them of the fragility of life. She says she doesn’t get lonely, though, because of Perry. She’s really worried that he’ll take Perry away, and he says he understands how much she loves him. He declines her offer of coffee, but offers to drive her to work and bring Perry something “special” to eat.

She kisses his cheek goodbye, and this is the first time Nick’s had a one-off love interest that I really buy. They seem decently attracted to each other, and Nick doesn’t seem to pity her because she has a disability. And also, they aren’t having sex after knowing each other for two hours and a minor bout of breaking and entering.

Nick calls Nat and asks about Jodie’s MS. Now, I know there’s no HIPPA in Canada, but jeez, why are all these doctors just spilling everything about their patients to Natalie? Like, that can’t be legal, can it? And now I’m sad about liking Nick and Jodie together, because damn, Nick.

And not only does she tell Nick everything, she keeps talking when an assistant comes into the lab. Not our lovely assistant from season 1, who disappeared, BTW.

Nat asks about the dog, and Nick says he’s a problem. Then it’s back to Raleigh, who’s disappeared, because Lacroix has kidnapped him. Lacroix, I love you, but no. Why is Nick having a dog so terrible for you? So terrible that you give Raleigh to a carouche?

Nick takes a machete out of a giant trunk. I guess he’s going to kill Perry? I mean, he has to, right? Dogs don’t have enough impulse control to be vampires. I don’t know if he brings the machete to Jodie’s, but he does bring Perry blood in a flask, and pours it out into his bowl.

Tracy’s talked her nephew into a rescue dog! Yay! Go Tracy! She and Nick have a boring backstory conversation about Jodie, and he encourages Tracy to pick the friendship back up.

At dispatch, someone spills coffee on Jodie – accidentally, of course! – and Perry mauls the guy. Nick checks to make sure Perry hasn’t turned the dude, and then he’s back in the past. Some dude is out hunting, and tells Nick all about some “mad dog” “hell hound” who’s attacking people and animals. There’s a reward for bringing the “beast” in, and dude says he’s in it for the reward and the mystery. “Name’s Doyle,” he says to Nick, “Arthur Doyle”, and OMG NO.

We haven’t done this in a while, and I’m fucking glad, because this annoys me to no end. Look, just because I’m alive in 2015 doesn’t mean I’ll run into Obama, Beyonce, and Princess Shiny Hair Kate Middleton. Just because Nick was alive at points in the past doesn’t mean he’ll have run into McCarthy, Arthur Conan Doyle, or Jeanne d’Arc. In fact, he’s a vampire, so it’s even less likely that he’d run into anyone of note. At Woodstock? Sure, I’ll buy that. Saw MLK give a speech? Why not?

But personal acquaintance with every celebrity EVAR is just – No. Stop it. It’s ridiculous, and I’m not having it.

Obviously, Raleigh is The Hound of the Baskervilles, but Perry is not, and Nick has to take him. He tells Jodie that Perry’s sick, and he’ll take him himself – because obviously.

In his cabin, Nick’s using the machete to make a stake to kill Raleigh. Lacroix comes in, and Nick’s all pissed, and throws a stake at him, but misses. They hear a cry for help, and Nick’s off to the rescue of Arthur Conan Doyle, telling him to never come back to the Baskervilles again.

Tracy takes Jodie home and makes tea, because that makes everything better. Especially if there’s scotch in it. Tracy proceeds to make everything all about her. Boo, Tracy. Boo. Points to Jodie for not screaming at her for being a selfish bitch.

Nick takes Perry out to the woods or the park or something, whittles a stake with his machete, and flashes back to killing Raleigh before putting Perry out of his misery. Only Perry manages to get away! That’s some crappy chain you bought, Nick. I’d ask Home Depot for my money back.

Perry goes right back to Jodie, of course. Nick somehow has trouble figuring this out, and is flying all weird to get there. Perry bites Jodie before Nick can get there, but he doesn’t maul her. No, somehow, the vampire dog knew how to turn Jodie into a vampire, thereby curing her MS.

And this episode was doing so well, from a logical standpoint.

In the coda, Tracy tells Nick that Jodie just left, and Reese adds that she went to live with family in the States so she could start over. Because Jodie’s choices are all about Tracy, Tracy is pretty pissed that she didn’t say where she was going.

And Jodie and Perry are together, happily ever after.

Next week: Reality TV gone wild! Someone wondered what would happen if those Jenny Jones murders happened on camera! Tracy’s undercover! This one sounds hilarious!

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