RiTS: Forever Knight: Intimations of Mortality, Chapter 4

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Are you awake now? Yeah, well, sorry. Here: let me help you back to sleep!

Human!Nick is sleeping at his desk, and Tracy’s giving him shit about it. He drinks coffee. There’s a heat wave, and Tracy gets to wear shorts because she’s a detective.  Continue reading

RiTS: Forever Knight, Intimations of Mortality, Chapter 3: Legalization Edition

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OK, you guys, here’s the thing: I have read ahead in this book. I’ve been through about 5 chapters now.

It is so. boring.

Maybe I’m jaded. Maybe I study too much story structure. Maybe this plot just feels stale because this book is 20 years old already. I don’t know.

What I DO know, though, is that I have a beautiful bong and a whole bunch of high-quality flower in my garage, and that shit makes everything interesting. So here, thanks to the good voters of Colorado and the awesome folks at my local dispensary, is Chapter 3, enhanced. Continue reading

RiTS: Forever Knight, Intimations of Mortality, Chapter 2

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So…it’s been a while, hasn’t it, guys? Yeah. I know. I’m sorry. Some stuff came up, and it turned out to be a pretty weird year, so…things fell by the wayside. It happens.

But I’m back in business, here to provide all your Forever Knight needs (that you clearly didn’t know you had, because let’s be honest: no one needs this shit, right? Right.)! If you don’t remember Chapter One, you can read it here.

Let’s get started! Continue reading

RiTS: Forever Knight: A Stirring of Dust, Chapter 15 – THE END!

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Well, Snowflakes, we’ve done it. We’ve made it through one whole Forever Knight book. I hope you’ve enjoyed the recaps, because there are two more of these things sitting on my desk, as well as a sequel to Dracula that I might do next, just to cleanse the palate a little.

I hope you enjoy this final recap!

A page and a half to tell us Nick and Nat are in an empty hotel ballroom!

OK, guys, I will try not to complain about this much, since I spent so much time on it last week, but jeez. I get why most of this exposition is here – Nick wants a big space for the showdown, he memorized the layout of the hotel/convention center on an assignment last year, the hotel keeps the security cameras off unless the space is in use – but do you see how little space that took me? Even if I wanted to write it correctly, it wouldn’t take 500 words, my god.

Stahp Continue reading

SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E14: Baby, Baby

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SCHOOL HAS STARTED. Snowflakes, I’m so excited to get my house back. Not so excited to discover that MiniWinters broke yet another set of earbuds, so I might miss some pertinent dialogue in this episode. But whatever, she’s not in the house, and that’s what’s important, right? Right.

We’re on a construction site with members of the Village People as well as regular workers. (Seriously, there were some incredibly gay men in the opening scene.) Some guy falls off the building, and some of the witnesses say Continue reading

SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E06: Capital Offense

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I shot the vampire. But I swear it was in self-defense! 

How are you today, Snowflakes? Anyone going to Phoenix ComiCon? Can you tell me why? My Facebook feed is full of writers who are voluntarily travelling to somewhere it’s a millionty degrees. You couldn’t pay me enough to go to Phoenix in June. Or, you know, to go to Phoenix, period. Sorry, Phoenicians. Been there, done that, luckily didn’t get the skin cancer to prove it.


Nick and Schenke are staking out some blonde in a jean jacket walking through a parking garage. She’s pretty suspicious, as any woman in a parking garage at night would be, but Schenke thinks it’s because she made them as cops. And maybe she did: she steals some other woman’s car and is making a good getaway before Vampire Nick flies in and stops her. He lets her hit him, and she gets out of the car to ask if he’s all right in the world’s worst Southern accent. She says she didn’t do whatever she’s being arrested for, and she begs Nick to help her. Continue reading

SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E05: Forward Into The Past

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Snowflakes! How’s your summer starting? Ours got hot, all at once. Like, two weeks ago it snowed, today it was 90. Ah, Colorado. Never change.

We open on that same weird warehouse set we’ve seen a millionty times already. Some old lady is tied to a chair, and there’s a tray full of torture devices being fondled by someone’s black glove. Dude takes off his sunglasses and he’s got perfectly bland green eyes. “All I want to know,” he says, “is where is Catherine?” Cut to screaming, and then the opening credits. Continue reading

SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E01.5: Killer Instinct, Commentary Edition

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Well, kids, it’s my commentary on the commentary. That’s right.



Ok. So, as I covered last time, Geraint is pronounced with a hard G, and all the flying scenes were shot with remote-controlled helicopters. Apparently, they crashed Continue reading

SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E19: 1966

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Snowflakes! I need a vacation to recover from my vacation. But no matter! Recaps wait for no one!

Schenke’s arguing with an Asian family in the reception area of the precinct. Nick comes up and says one word in another language – I’m sorry, I don’t recognize the people or the language – and they quiet down. Cut to some dude outside duct-taping a gun to his arm. He walks up to Natalie as she gets out of her car, asks if she’s going in to the police station, and then brandishes the gun, saying, “We’ll go in together” and holding up some sort of – noose, I guess? To control her? That seems like a safe bet. Continue reading

SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E08: Cherry Blossoms

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I know. I skipped a week. I got all caught up in Thanksgiving and planning my Catemas party that it just plum slipped my mind. So I set an alarm on my phone, so we never have to have this uncomfortable conversation again. I’m sorry.


We’re in Chinatown, in the rain. Some businesspeople leave a building and get in a cab, but then a van backs up in front of them and two dudes get out with guns. They open fire on the cab and kill everyone inside. Some dude in a suit gets out to check their work and then says, “We’re done here” and they all leave. Continue reading