A woman is patching up another, and telling her the rules of the shelter she’s in. No contact with the abuser, at all, for any reason. She can do what she wants when she leaves, but while she’s at Laura Stone’s shelter, she can’t reach out to the boyfriend/husband.
The woman thanks Laura, and Laura leaves her room, only to hear another woman screaming at the other end of the house. She runs to the room, and has to unlock the door, only to find a woman dead and her daughter curled up in a corner, screaming “He killed my mother!”
Oh, I think I remember this one. We’ll see if I’m right about the killer at the end. Continue reading →
You know, like skee-ball and jacks and shit. Right? Vampires play, like, Uno and Cards Against Humanity? Hee. Against Humanity. That’s a good one. Let’s recap!
We open with some spectacularly shitty virtual reality. Like, the game effects in this episode are just regular footage overlaid with something that makes it look…drawn, I guess is what they’re going for? Like that weird Keanu Reeves movie that came out a while back, where they filmed the movie and then drew over it, so everything was Continue reading →
Who hopes this episode is all about String Theory? Anyone? Bueller? Just me? Well, okay then, let’s get to it!
Some blonde woman gets off a city bus. She is wearing ALL the 90s, all at once, and as she walks down the street, a Lincoln Town Car comes running at her. It hits her and sends her through a plate-glass window into a boutique window display, then the driver gets out and shoots her. Whoever directed this one decided that we should get reaction shots from all the mannequins.
It’s all about coloring today, Snowflakes! Nick will mope about the coloring books available, and Tracy will happily sharpen everyone’s crayons, and Nat will be off doing some experiment with pigments.
Ahh, wouldn’t that be nice? I doubt it, though. Let’s recap!
We open in a club, which has much better music than we usually get in these scenes. Some dude in a Chandler Bing sweater is trying to sell drugs, but his girlfriend doesn’t want to do “business” and starts macking on another dude. Chandler tells her to knock it off, and a third dude pulls a knife on him, because you don’t do business before pleasure. Continue reading →
Snowflakes. I am sorry to do this to you. But it is how the season starts, so there’s no way around it. Get your tissues ready.
We open on a dude making a bomb, intercut with some people having really aggressive sex. Like, they’re knocking stuff off the nightstands and shit. Oh. It’s the bomb builder who’s having the sex. With a flight attendant. To whom he then gives the bomb, so she can take it on the plane – “Promise not to open it until you’re airborne.” Do people who bomb things usually have active sex lives? It doesn’t seem to fit, to me, but I’m not a forensic psychiatrist or anything, so, you know. Continue reading →
Good morning/afternoon/evening to you, Snowflakes! Two recaps, two weeks in a row? I know. It’s like I’ve made this my job or some shit. Let’s recap!
We open during daylight, on a man in a car with a cigar and a piece of paper in his hands. Oh, it’s a photo. He starts drawing on his own face, and then we cut to Nick in Nat’s lab – like, not some lab space she’s rented, or a mini-lab at her house – no, she’s taking vampire blood samples in the crime lab. Continue reading →
SCHOOL HAS STARTED. Snowflakes, I’m so excited to get my house back. Not so excited to discover that MiniWinters broke yet another set of earbuds, so I might miss some pertinent dialogue in this episode. But whatever, she’s not in the house, and that’s what’s important, right? Right.
We’re on a construction site with members of the Village People as well as regular workers. (Seriously, there were some incredibly gay men in the opening scene.) Some guy falls off the building, and some of the witnesses say Continue reading →
Snowflakes! Did you miss Nick? I did. A little. Okay, fine, a lot. But he’s back, and he’s bringing his whole cult with him!
We open on a bunch of people holding their hands over a glowing globe. They look pretty happy, except for the dude who’s skulking around the basement with a ladder and a flashlight. And a toolbelt. Oh, I see. Cults never tip for good electrical services. Also, he’s being stalked by someone with a mop bucket who pours all the water out all over the basement, then flips the breakers so that’s the end of our electrician. Can’t wait to hear the motive for that one. Continue reading →
Snowflakes! How’s your summer starting? Ours got hot, all at once. Like, two weeks ago it snowed, today it was 90. Ah, Colorado. Never change.
We open on that same weird warehouse set we’ve seen a millionty times already. Some old lady is tied to a chair, and there’s a tray full of torture devices being fondled by someone’s black glove. Dude takes off his sunglasses and he’s got perfectly bland green eyes. “All I want to know,” he says, “is where is Catherine?” Cut to screaming, and then the opening credits. Continue reading →