OK, you guys, here’s the thing: I have read ahead in this book. I’ve been through about 5 chapters now.
It is so. boring.
Maybe I’m jaded. Maybe I study too much story structure. Maybe this plot just feels stale because this book is 20 years old already. I don’t know.
What I DO know, though, is that I have a beautiful bong and a whole bunch of high-quality flower in my garage, and that shit makes everything interesting. So here, thanks to the good voters of Colorado and the awesome folks at my local dispensary, is Chapter 3, enhanced. Continue reading →
So…it’s been a while, hasn’t it, guys? Yeah. I know. I’m sorry. Some stuff came up, and it turned out to be a pretty weird year, so…things fell by the wayside. It happens.
But I’m back in business, here to provide all your Forever Knight needs (that you clearly didn’t know you had, because let’s be honest: no one needs this shit, right? Right.)! If you don’t remember Chapter One, you can read it here.
A woman is patching up another, and telling her the rules of the shelter she’s in. No contact with the abuser, at all, for any reason. She can do what she wants when she leaves, but while she’s at Laura Stone’s shelter, she can’t reach out to the boyfriend/husband.
The woman thanks Laura, and Laura leaves her room, only to hear another woman screaming at the other end of the house. She runs to the room, and has to unlock the door, only to find a woman dead and her daughter curled up in a corner, screaming “He killed my mother!”
Oh, I think I remember this one. We’ll see if I’m right about the killer at the end. Continue reading →
You know, like skee-ball and jacks and shit. Right? Vampires play, like, Uno and Cards Against Humanity? Hee. Against Humanity. That’s a good one. Let’s recap!
We open with some spectacularly shitty virtual reality. Like, the game effects in this episode are just regular footage overlaid with something that makes it look…drawn, I guess is what they’re going for? Like that weird Keanu Reeves movie that came out a while back, where they filmed the movie and then drew over it, so everything was Continue reading →
Who hopes this episode is all about String Theory? Anyone? Bueller? Just me? Well, okay then, let’s get to it!
Some blonde woman gets off a city bus. She is wearing ALL the 90s, all at once, and as she walks down the street, a Lincoln Town Car comes running at her. It hits her and sends her through a plate-glass window into a boutique window display, then the driver gets out and shoots her. Whoever directed this one decided that we should get reaction shots from all the mannequins.
It’s all about coloring today, Snowflakes! Nick will mope about the coloring books available, and Tracy will happily sharpen everyone’s crayons, and Nat will be off doing some experiment with pigments.
Ahh, wouldn’t that be nice? I doubt it, though. Let’s recap!
We open in a club, which has much better music than we usually get in these scenes. Some dude in a Chandler Bing sweater is trying to sell drugs, but his girlfriend doesn’t want to do “business” and starts macking on another dude. Chandler tells her to knock it off, and a third dude pulls a knife on him, because you don’t do business before pleasure. Continue reading →
Snowflakes. I am sorry to do this to you. But it is how the season starts, so there’s no way around it. Get your tissues ready.
We open on a dude making a bomb, intercut with some people having really aggressive sex. Like, they’re knocking stuff off the nightstands and shit. Oh. It’s the bomb builder who’s having the sex. With a flight attendant. To whom he then gives the bomb, so she can take it on the plane – “Promise not to open it until you’re airborne.” Do people who bomb things usually have active sex lives? It doesn’t seem to fit, to me, but I’m not a forensic psychiatrist or anything, so, you know. Continue reading →
Good morning/afternoon/evening to you, Snowflakes! Two recaps, two weeks in a row? I know. It’s like I’ve made this my job or some shit. Let’s recap!
We open during daylight, on a man in a car with a cigar and a piece of paper in his hands. Oh, it’s a photo. He starts drawing on his own face, and then we cut to Nick in Nat’s lab – like, not some lab space she’s rented, or a mini-lab at her house – no, she’s taking vampire blood samples in the crime lab. Continue reading →
SCHOOL HAS STARTED. Snowflakes, I’m so excited to get my house back. Not so excited to discover that MiniWinters broke yet another set of earbuds, so I might miss some pertinent dialogue in this episode. But whatever, she’s not in the house, and that’s what’s important, right? Right.
We’re on a construction site with members of the Village People as well as regular workers. (Seriously, there were some incredibly gay men in the opening scene.) Some guy falls off the building, and some of the witnesses say Continue reading →