Guys. Guys. It’s the last episode. I don’t know if I’m emotionally stable enough for this, but I’m going to try. For you.
We start with a bathtub filling, and Lacroix telling us that life is a gift. Cut to a weird camera angle and Lacroix continuing to speak – he’s never understood willfully giving life up, unless you have faith that there’s something beyond this. But will it be heaven, or hell? Is your faith strong enough to push you to find out prematurely?
All of this is intercut with a woman writing a suicide note and then stepping, fully clothed, into the bathtub to cut her wrists. Lacroix tells us not to do it, not to trade our futures for “an empty box”. Continue reading →
Snowflakes. I am sorry to do this to you. But it is how the season starts, so there’s no way around it. Get your tissues ready.
We open on a dude making a bomb, intercut with some people having really aggressive sex. Like, they’re knocking stuff off the nightstands and shit. Oh. It’s the bomb builder who’s having the sex. With a flight attendant. To whom he then gives the bomb, so she can take it on the plane – “Promise not to open it until you’re airborne.” Do people who bomb things usually have active sex lives? It doesn’t seem to fit, to me, but I’m not a forensic psychiatrist or anything, so, you know. Continue reading →
Hello, Snowflakes! Been a pretty boring week around here, and cold the whole time, which is weird for Colorado. I’m looking forward to Thursday’s promised 50s, but I’m not holding my breath, considering we’re getting unanticipated snow right now. Let’s recap!
Some blonde woman is cutting lines of coke with a hilariously off-brand “credit card”, which might actually just say “Credit Card” in Visa’s colors. You know, like those fake ones they put in wallets? Yeah. I don’t think it does a great job, because she starts freaking out and then crashes through a glass coffee table.
Meanwhile, Schanke’s stuck on the side of the road with a car that won’t start, and he gets rear-ended by a nun. For some reason, this causes him to spin in the street like he’s going to start a musical number, Continue reading →
Guys! It snowed! It is, in fact, still snowing! After 70 degree temps well into this month, I figured I’d never get any winter. I’m so happy. Let’s recap!
Some dude with a huge gun – and no, that’s not a euphemism – is being chased down an alley by Schanke, who is at a definite disadvantage with this gun thing. Of course, Nick flies down from somewhere, and since all Schanke sees is movement, he tells Nick to freeze. The dude with the gun almost gets the jump on them, but Schanke fires in time. Too bad he just wounds the guy, who gets back up as Schanke’s turning to Nick. Nick calls out a warning and jumps from the fire escape where he’s been standing to the ground, and knocks the guy out before he can shoot Schanke. Which is all way too fast and accurate for a human to do, so Schanke is Continue reading →
Oh, Snowflakes. I know. This season is super boring. But we’re almost done, and then we’ll get Vachon! And Tracy Vetter! And Livia! So on we go!
Two uniforms are on the beat, and some dude is watching them through a – ventilation grate? Or something? I dunno. The cops pass, and the dude exits the grate. Oh, he’s homeless. Sad Panda. He’s looking through the trash and finds a kaleidescope, but his moment of joy is interrupted by another guy who dresses like a ninja and calls him trash, just before Continue reading →
Snowflakes! I know I promised weekly recaps until December, but then I went to a conference. Besides, you know what they say about good intentions, and who wants to be involved in that mess?
Oh, and one more note: If you like my recaps, you should definitely follow me on Twitter. I live-tweet especially terrible Lifetime movies. Last weekend I did the Saved By The Bell movie, and it was awful, but I think I got some good jokes in. I will definitely be live-tweeting the Grumpy Cat Christmas movie, because that looks like comedy GOLD, people.
Ooh, we’re back to our Crimetime After Primetime roots. A woman’s getting ready for “bed” by putting on stockings, lipstick, and Continue reading →