SGRoA: Blood Ties, S1 E7: Heart of Ice

SGRoA post 95 of 122

Yes, the next episode is Heart of Fire, and maybe George RR Martin would be riled to hear it, but I’m betting these two are going to be more boring misogyny and baffling conflict-for-the-sake-of-conflict that comes outta nowhere. But let’s find out!

Vicki’s looking for an accountant who just stole $15 million. Cellucci’s hanging with her, because we start almost every episode at stasis: everything is fine with everyone, and we’ll get angry for no reason later. I appreciate the episodicality, the effort to make it a “drop by whenever!” sort of show, but I don’t know if it works so well here.

She goes through his cell records and finds a girlfriend, so case closed! Which is good, because Vicki needs to get paid. Cellucci offers to buy dinner, then invites her to Dylan’s birthday party on Saturday. Dylan is turning the big oh-seven, and he asked for “Aunt Vicki” to come to the party. Cellucci was over at Molly’s house, and Dylan overheard him talking about “seeing” Vicki again.

yeah, I don’t know either

But Molly’s always liked Vicki, which is nice, but Vicki passed on the birthday party.

Cut to a group of unhoused people, including Francine, who thinks the shelter can “keep their damn salty soup” and then is quickly murdered by something that growls and sees in black, white, and orange – like a FLIR infrared, but not, like, really. Artistic FLIR.

Francine’s friend Annie shows up to Vicki’s office, since Tyrell and Linda have also disappeared in recent weeks. Vicki remembers Annie from working the beat; Annie says Vicki was the only decent cop she ever met.

Annie knows

Cellucci and partner whose name I cannot remember show up to a different crime scene. There’s no blood, so we can definitely look forward to another unhinged Cellucci rant about Henry. 1 victim, a pretty young woman, fang marks on her throat. Cellucci scans the crowd and sees a guy who doesn’t belong: JULIAN MOTHERFUCKING SANDS.

I mean, that can’t be right, and also how sad, because he was just found dead on Mt. Baldy in California. He’d been missing for a while, but weather and other conditions prevented a big search.

In any case, Cellucci tells the crime scene photog to get pics of the guy, but he’s already bolted. Dave, the partner whose name I should remember because it’s the same as my house skeleton, says it’s fine, they’ve been taking pics for ages, they’ll have him.

Vicki goes with Annie to the encampment and searches Francine’s space. No one new around the camp, no one had a beef with Francine. A lot of her stuff is gone already, which is to be expected, but doesn’t give Vicki any clues. She follows some drag marks to a culvert, and they find Francine’s bag.

At the precinct , Captain Lady is going through Cellucci’s desk and haranguing him about going through cold cases. He thinks it’s a copycat or repeat of a “vampire” killer; she’s a bitch for no reason, as usual. Do you not, like, have your own job to do, Cap? You just spend your days and taxpayer funds micromanaging Cellucci 40 hrs a week?

Henry is working while Vicki wants help with her case. Henry’s mad about it before Vicki says she wants to use his nose like some sort of fanged bloodhound, and then Vicki bounces, so the point of this scene is…absolutely nothing. Excellent!

Vicki takes Annie and the bag to Cellucci, who hates the unhoused and thinks their problems aren’t worth investigating. In other words, a “good cop”. Vicki badgers him, and finally he says he’ll help her if she helps him.

Oh! Henry goes to the culvert where the bag was and starts sniffing. They should have put this right after the other scene, because otherwise it looks dumb and pointless, but I don’t know why I expect these people to know how to write. (Credit where it’s due: this episode is much better than the last couple, but they don’t get a free pass just because they managed to follow the rules of procedurals for 15 minutes.) He hears the growling and does his little black-eyed vamped out routine.

Cellucci shows Vicki his vic. She tells him that Henry doesn’t kill, and Cellucci doesn’t buy it. She also alibis Henry, which he also doesn’t buy. Cellucci says if Henry didn’t do it, he’ll help Cellucci solve it. Sounds fun.

Henry runs into what is obviously a human who says he’s hunting a “windigo”, according to the captions, so I assume a Wendigo, which is the usual spelling.

sooooooooory about the spelling, eh?

So Henry brings the guy back to Vicki’s, where he (guy) describes the Wendigo as “pure hunger”, which will crack and gnaw one’s bones. Guy maintains it killed Francine, and he knows because he’s met the Wendigo before. It killed his dad, but never came at him, so he’s been hunting it ever since. Anyone who sees the Wendigo is marked for death; it’s followed him here. Oh, he’s unhoused, too. Huh. Didn’t look it, weird.

Henry says the cops can handle this, and Vicki agrees, especially since her deal with Cellucci. Henry refuses to help, though, so who knows.

OMG, IT IS JULIAN SANDS!!!!!! Holy shit. How did they get an actual name in this fuckin show?!?!

I love him, this is great

His name is Javier Mendoza, pronounced like a Castillian. He says he’s hunting for Cellucci’s killer, and they both know who it is: Henry Fitzroy.

a chipmunk turning suddenly with dramatic sound effect

Coreen is telling Vicki the history of Wendigo myths, that they all stem from people not wanting to believe how fast other people turn to cannibalism in the wilderness, and I’ll tell you what, I don’t like thinking about it either. There was some thread I ran across on Twitter during the Titanic submersible debacle that discussed it, from some sort of expert, and, like, do not go looking for facts if you are easily squicked. People like to eat people, it’s weird.

Javier Mendoza is an officer of the law – CANON LAW. He’s working for the Church, trying to bring Henry down. Delightfully unhinged. Catholics would try to hunt mythical creatures before pedos, wouldn’t they. Makes sense!

Mendoza says he has a way to neutralize vampires so they don’t kill again; he offers them “salvation”. Please. He wants Cellucci to turn Henry over, after claiming that Henry killed a woman around 50 years ago, after “seducing” her. I’ll put real cash money down that she’s related to Mendoza in some way, and that Henry isn’t responsible. I know how narrative works, and I’m pleasantly surprised that this episode seems to as well.

Cellucci, Vicki, and Henry get together to discuss the vampire cases. Henry maintains he didn’t do it. Cellucci asks if there are any other vampires in town he should know about –

….mayyyyyyybe!

– to which Henry replies, “We’re not all in the same book club.”

Y’all, I cackled.

Cellucci has brought every cold cases he thinks Henry’s involved in and starts badgering Henry. Henry recognizes the woman Mendoza brought, and says that yes, he killed her. No further details, and Cellucci knows he can’t bring charges for a 1944 murder, so Henry and Vicki leave, heading back to the encampment.

They go down into the sewer to look for more clues and run into Indigenous Guy from before. There’s growling, and all three of them head further in to hunt the thing. Which they find, and which attacks Henry and Vicki, but lets them go in favor of Guy. Henry ends up injured, and Vicki offers to feed him, but he refuses and says he’ll drop her off. They won’t be catching a Wendigo tonight.

There’s a little montage, and then Cellucci has a “hypothetical” conversation with another detective. If you knew who the killer was, but couldn’t make it stick, and another agency said they could deal with it and put the killer away – would she turn it over, even if the other agency maybe wasn’t as on the up-and-up as the regular cops?

She says she’d hand him over, because the important thing is to get the bad guy off the street. Even if that means no due process.

just a lil reminder

Coreen is still researching how to kill the Wendigo. She’s got silver bullets and hearts made of ice, and Vicki connects Guy hiding by the fire and Annie being near the fire to the ice heart, so they’re gonna try fire to kill it. Henry doesn’t think it’s their job, and he’s stayed alive by “picking his battles”, but Vicki rightly points out that there is no one else. Guy died, and he was the only one to even know what it was. Cops aren’t gonna touch this. Henry gives in.

Cellucci meets Mendoza at a dumpster, nice place. Mendoza maintains that Henry is just running around seducing and killing women all over the place for the last half-millennium. he says he needs Cellucci’s help, needs him to use some weird object on Henry to sap his power so Mendoza can kill him. Cellucci is hesitant, so Mendoza throws in a little misogyny to get the job done: it’s the only way to save Vicki from Henry’s clutches.

captain kathryn janeway, rolling her eyes

Vicki has a super soaker flamethrower, which is a choice on the prop master’s part. Explains why it was only a hundred bucks, though.

Oh, look at that: Mendoza has his “murder victim” imprisoned, and he’s going to let the sun kill her, because she’s a vampire. He tells her that he’s going to “save” Henry, too. Yup. That’s a canon cop.

Cellucci goes to find Vicki, but runs into Coreen, who presses some silver bullets on him. She describes them as “supernatural penicillin” – even if they don’t kill a creature, silver will almost always hurt one, or weaken it.

Vicki and Henry find the Wendigo, but Vicki’s flamethrower craps out at the last minute. Cellucci saves them with the bullets – yay! But then puts the object on Henry and reveals Mendoza – boo!

Mendoza takes Cellucci’s gun and locks him and Vicki out of the room he’s got Henry in. (Why the sewers have rooms with gates and locks, I have zero idea.) Vicki and Cellucci leave Mendoza to it, and the episode ends.

TWO-PARTER! I would have preferred a more drawn out battle with the Wendigo, then, but I guess we have to leave a full 40 minutes to defeat poor Julian Sands. See ya next week!

SGRoA: Blood Ties, S1 E3: Bad Juju

SGRoA post 91 of 122

Hey, Snowflakes, Editing Cate here. I got off track last week and somehow just… never published the recap?!?!?! I’m blaming my chronic pain, but let’s be honest: we all know it’s the weed.

In any case, here’s the recap! I’ll be back with the next ep next week. Enjoy!

Happy Friday, Snowflakes! Do you have big plans for the holiday weekend? The Union Pacific Big Boy train engine is going to be in Denver on Monday, so we’re probably going to take the little train (light rail) to the Big Boy and have a very autistic day – provided we have the sensory energy to begin with, of course. lol. Too autistic to autist. Well, let’s get to the jokes!

Toronto never changes, y’all: most of the establishing shots look like they’re from the same stock footage bank Forever Knight used. Oh, I love it so much. After our skyline, we’re taken to the Juju Lounge, where Vicki is interviewing a new client, Angelique. She’s from New Orleans, and whatever stereotypical nonsense you’re picturing, I need you to double it.

no, like, more than that, even

I mean: Juju Lounge, complete with a skull in a top hat logo; French name; sort-of maybe Haitian accent; “jungle” theme in the bar. I’m pretty sure most of this is racist, too? Like, I’m not exactly sure how, because I am painfully white and was told we solved racism in the 60s when I grew up, but it feels like something we just should not be doing.

But Angelique is nice! She’s looking for her missing brother, and Vicki tells her to go to the cops, because they don’t charge out of pocket. Angelique insists she won’t call the pigs, and good choice, Angelique. I’d pay out of pocket for competence, too. She gives Vicki a list of known associates/friends/people of interest, her contact info, and enough cash for a week or so. She does tell Vicki that the brother, Royal, was mixed up with a bad dude: Henri Gregoire. Vicki starts to ask more, as they leave the club, but they are attacked…

a blue keep calm sign that says "keep calm it gets better"

…by a zombie.

OK, I guess we’re doing this. I don’t know why I expect better of 2007, it has proved itself to be a very shit year over and over again. I guess I just have trouble understanding why you’d do the same old boring spin on something that was already hacky in the 80s. So, New Orleans Zombies it is. Sigh.

Vicki fights him off for a bit, and Angelique runs, and the zombie goes right after her. And he kills the friend that’s with them? even though he just knocked the friend to the ground? OK, Blood Ties, sure. I guess there has to be a murder for Celluci to show up.

Vicki confesses to him that the suspect seemed like a zombie, and Mike yells at her about it. She admits that she doesn’t know what was going on, that clearly it’s not supernatural, but this is how the perp acted. Mike doesn’t care, because it’s nighttime and Vicki’s half blind. And he insinuates it’s Henry’s fault?

a "keep calm" poster, but it says "fuck this guy"

Vicki goes straight to Henry, because Mike does have a point: Henry knows about weird shit. He teases her about wanting him, and she teases him about being conceited, and eventually she admits she needs his help. Henry immediately is serious and attentive as she tells him about being zombie-attacked. Henry confirms it’s a zombie “from voodoo” (which, yes, problematic as hell, but I’m not qualified to get into it), and he tells her to stay the fuck out of it. Vicki refuses, of course, and he tells her he’ll work the case with her to keep her safe – and vamps out on her a little bit to remind her that he, himself, is a Big Bad, and she should really take him seriously when he warns her.

The antagonist from The Princess and the Frog sits on his throne of human bones and tells a lackey that his zombies are going to find his enemies, or something. I’m not exactly paying attention because holy shit, y’all. Holy. Shit.

like, y’all, why is this so painful?

Well. That’s…something, isn’t it? Anyway, let me rewind a minute… Oh, ok, this must be Gregoire. He’s looking for Angelique, and he tells the lackey that if they don’t find her, his zombies will find them, and then he makes the guy barf up a snake. Sure. Why not.

Coreen has a bunch of research on voodoo and zombies. The tattoos on the victim were symbols for power and protection, like sigils specific to voodoo (which, again, wildly problematic, I know, but I’m going with what they’re calling it, since it’s clearly just a stereotypical portrayal.).

Henry and Vicki head back to the bar, where suddenly the bartender has no idea who Angelique is, or who she was with the other night, or why anyone would be looking for her. Henry tries to rough up some information, but no dice – and it gets them almost chased out, while Gregoire’s lackey looks on.

Some guy comes out of the bar right after them, and they follow him because…? Vicki says something about someone will warn Angelique or something, but, like, no? What? Why? Why would the next guy leaving the bar be headed for her? I don’t get any of this, but sure enough, dude leads them to Angelique, whose lines are being run backwards to make it sound more “voodoo-y” when she’s “whispering incantations”, as the captions tell me. But she turns around and gives us some much needed exposition instead.

Her parents were a priest and priestess; she and her brother were supposed to follow in their footsteps. They were killed by the “dark faction” of their religion, and now her brother is missing and she’s being stalked by that same faction.

Vicki offers help immediately, and Henry pulls her aside to yell at her that this is super duper dangerous. Just like the demon was. I’m getting the feeling just like everything will be. Can these guys just let Vicki live her life? Damn, y’all. She’s grown. She can make her own decisions. Stop yelling at her.

tired of these motherfuckin’ bikes, ngl

Vicki ignores him, of course, and takes Angelique back to her office, because at least she can keep an eye on her there. Coreen immediately asks to be initiated into a spiritual practice she has zero claim to, and Angelique shuts her down because “the spirits are not to be toyed with” but honestly, Coreen, it’s racist af. Please stop appropriating: there are plenty of white people spiritual practices you can look up on your own time. I’m a witch, I know.

Henry and Vicki go to the station to see Mike, who was running down Henri Gregoire in the PD databases for Vicki. Before he can tell her that there were zero pops for her guy, Mike has to get in some snobby jabs at Henry for being a “cartoonist”, and Henry has to be a jerk about it, and I’m glad you boys could get your dicks properly measured today, but now they have to go back in your pants.

a Reductress headline that says, "Why I stopped Meditating and Started Screaming"

Gregoire is a ghost, Vicki tells the boys to STFU, and it’s back to the JuJu Lounge which, despite its being after hours, is still unlocked, the bartender dead, and the zombie suddenly lurching up from the floor to attack our heroes. They manage to impale the guy and leave him pinned to a wall, groaning and moving still. Vicki apologizes to Henry for almost getting him killed, despite that not actually happening, and then she demands to know why he’s so touchy about voodoo, because clearly his wanting her to drop this case is personal, because he’s so heated about it? despite his being exactly as heated as in the last episodes about demons? buh?

Chris Hemsworth as Thor saying, "I have no idea what's going on"
like, none, y’all

Anyway, in the last round of 20s, he went to Haiti with a woman he met in Paris, and she was killed by voodoo practitioners and turned into a zombie, apparently. Whoopdeshit. I mean, like, if this story were true, I would feel for him, but I’m pretty sure that it’s a pile of racist horseshit, so I’m pretty over this episode, honestly.

The next evening, Vicki heads to the precinct to tell Mike she can’t make their dinner date (but she could show up? sure), but he did find some more out about Gregoire – though “more”, here, is very generous. Dude runs a little magic shop and sells potions and spells to people, and no one wants to talk about him or what he does, really. Mike asks Vicki how this guy is connected to the body, and she says zombies, and Mike gets mad again.

kristen wiig in bridesmaids saying "are you fucking kidding me?"

Vicki tells him she’s not shutting him out of the cases, he just refuses to believe her. She says that she’s been exposed to a whole new side of life, and if he can’t accept that, that’s fine – but it’s going to look like she’s withholding if he doesn’t want to hear about it.

So Mike immediately tells his partner to run a background check on Henry. “For the case”. Which Graham (the partner) questions just as quickly, calling Mike out that this has more to do with Vicki than with the case. Mike denies it, vehemently, but Graham’s right, Mike. Graham’s right.

Vicki tells Coreen and Angelique that she’s headed down to Gregoire’s shop, and Angelique gives her a bracelet “for protection”. Coreen asks for help with her love juju – she’s trying to attract Henry (though she doesn’t say it outright), and Angelique tells her that they should start from scratch on the juju. I have to assume this will do something later, because otherwise it seems weird to include, especially with Angelique’s neutral-to-almost-angry expression while Coreen asks for help turning to a radiant, perhaps expectant smile as Angelique suggests a new spell. We’ll see.

Henry and Vicki show up at the shop – it’s where Gregoire keeps his bone throne.

Gregoire throws his voice to taunt them and sends the zombie – yes, the one they impaled, still walking around, because magic, I guess – to lurch at them ineffectually. When he finally shows himself, he says that Angelique is the “dark faction”, and that he had to take her brother, because they were terrorizing people. Angelique needs to go, too, because she eats little kids’ hearts to stay young and she’s going to bring her brother back from the dead.

And true to form, Angelique removes Coreen’s mouth when Coreen objects to the spell Angelique is doing – clearly not a love juju. Gregoire’s zombie falls, and Gregoire tells Vicki that she’s wearing a bandeau that is killing him – the bracelet Angelique gave her. He hands over the amulet with Royal’s soul in it (yes, yes, it’s ridiculous) right before he dies, and Vicki and Henry rush home to save Coreen.

Angelique has made a doll of Vicki with hair from her brush, and of course it works. She wants the amulet, and of course Vicki refuses. Angelique says she can wait another night, but will Vicki survive? And then she’s gone, with the doll. Coreen’s mouth comes back, and they regroup to plan to get the doll back and figure out where Royal is buried – that’s where Angelique will have to go to bring him back.

Gregoire and his zombie have been found, so Mike calls Vicki to see what’s up. She tells him, and he’s mad again, because she’s “lying” again, and he hangs up on her.

But he doesn’t have time to stew! Henry’s background check came back! And it appears Henry needs to hire some better guys: he has perfect credit and no other records. Dude, that’s sus af. All the red flags just went up for Mike, and I’m sure only good things can come of that. /s

Vicki, despite being “eaten” by a “grave bug” that Angelique put on the doll, heads off to the cemetery Coreen found. Henry follows after sunset, after asking Coreen where Vicki went. He thinks to bring salt to scupper any spells.

Obviously Angelique is already there, set up to bring Royal back, and Henry walks right in with the amulet, like a dumbass. So Angelique has Royal’s body, Royal’s soul, and the sacrifice of Vicki – though not for long. Henry breaks away from her guard, grabs the doll and removes the bug. Vicki hits Angelique over the head and crushes the amulet, so the half-alive corpse grabs Angelique, the crypt starts to fall apart, and Henry and Vicki escape.

Mike stops by the office the next morning, fresh off the crime scene at the cemetery. He asks if Vicki was there, and she fobs it off with a half sort of denial, but HE’S STILL MAD AT HER ABOUT IT.

So they go to breakfast, the end.

Not the best episode of television I’ve ever watched, but also not the worst. Yes, it was racist and badly researched and derivative, but the dialogue was good, the plot kept a-moving, and all the details were relevant later on, so at least it was a competent episode of television, which is more than we can say for a lot of things. *cough* Moonlight *cough*

Hopefully the next one will be better, and at some point, Mike Celluci’s nards will get kicked. That’s all a girl can ask for, I think!

SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E03: For I Have Sinned

SGRoA post 3 of 122

Guys. It has been a day today, let me tell you. But! I am here for your recapping pleasure, putting aside my sprained toe and my weirdly-slept-on bottom to bring you cheesy vampire goodness. Let’s begin!

We open with sexy sex between some dude in white boxers (because this is 1930, I guess), and a woman all dolled up in a corset and stockings. She gets up and says she has to leave, and puts on a big ol’ honkin’ cross necklace. She lives in Toronto. She knows what’s up. Continue reading