RiTS: Forever Knight: Intimations of Mortality, Chapter 4

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GOOD AFTERNOOOOOOOOOON, SNOWFLAKES!

Are you awake now? Yeah, well, sorry. Here: let me help you back to sleep!

Human!Nick is sleeping at his desk, and Tracy’s giving him shit about it. He drinks coffee. There’s a heat wave, and Tracy gets to wear shorts because she’s a detective.  Continue reading

RiTS: Forever Knight, Intimations of Mortality, Chapter 3: Legalization Edition

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OK, you guys, here’s the thing: I have read ahead in this book. I’ve been through about 5 chapters now.

It is so. boring.

Maybe I’m jaded. Maybe I study too much story structure. Maybe this plot just feels stale because this book is 20 years old already. I don’t know.

What I DO know, though, is that I have a beautiful bong and a whole bunch of high-quality flower in my garage, and that shit makes everything interesting. So here, thanks to the good voters of Colorado and the awesome folks at my local dispensary, is Chapter 3, enhanced. Continue reading

RiTS: Forever Knight: A Stirring of Dust, Chapter 7

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Snowflakes! I’m back from big (tiny), exciting (not at all) Holy Week adventures (working at church)! Did you miss me? I missed you. Let’s get recapping!

So, Nick runs off, as usual, with little explanation. Nat just lets him go and tries to go back to work, but before she can, the body in the bag sits up and claws its way out of the bag. She grabs a long scalpel and cries for help. The thing lunges at her, but Nick comes back in just in time and grapples with it. Continue reading

SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E08: Trophy Girl

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Snowflakes! Did you miss me? I’ll be honest, I am still tired from last week. I am eagerly anticipating my paycheck at the end of the month, however: Holy Week is lucrative. Let’s get recapping!

There’s a woman in lingerie on a slab, and someone dressed like a doctor starts cutting her clothes off. Side note: She’s wearing a garter belt over her underwear, which means it’s just for sexytimes. If you wear actual stockings for function, you know the belt goes under the knickers, or you’ll never be able to pee.

Continue reading

SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E05: Blind Faith

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Snowflakes! It’s 70 degrees here! I can’t even tell you how happy I am to have some spring. I know we’ll have some more snow – probably on Easter, since I bought a new dress that will not work with boots – but hey, for now, I’m enjoying smoking on the patio.

Let’s recap!

A blind woman and her dog are out walking at night. The dog is whining, which is obviously a sound effect, because his tail is wagging. They find a bench and the lady lets him off his leash, presumably so he can get some exercise or poop or something. Do service dogs get trained to poop in the same places, or in, like, a doggie litterbox or something? Hmm. Questions I’ve never thought to ask.

Anyway. The dog is digging around, and two hands come out of the dirt and pull the dog down.

dramatic-chipmunk-o Continue reading

RITS: Forever Knight: A Stirring of Dust, Chapter 3

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Okay, guys, unlike this week’s TV recap, I actually was able to make sense of everything that happened in this chapter. Thank goodness. I couldn’t have taken two days of this:

crazypills

So, we start with Screed. He’s puttering around the sewers, looking for rats to eat, which apparently makes him a carouche, which, as I learned from next week’s episode synopsis, Continue reading

RITS: Forever Knight: A Stirring of Dust, Chapter 2

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It’s a sad Friday, Snowflakes. Leonard Nimoy died. We’ll be watching our Star Trek tonight as a tribute, and of course I’m wearing my “Trek Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself” t-shirt, with Spock on it. It was not the news I wanted for Star Trek Day, let me tell you.

But! There are recaps to be done, so let’s get started, shall we?

Tracy shows up at the antique store crime scene and takes in the headless body. She’s all upset by it, but doesn’t let it show, because she’s young, a woman, and an assistant commissioner’s daughter. Do they ever say on the show that her dad is only an assistant? Because they haven’t in three episodes, and that seems like the sort of distinction we should have been in on already. Continue reading

SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E01: Black Buddha, Part 1

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Snowflakes. I am sorry to do this to you. But it is how the season starts, so there’s no way around it. Get your tissues ready.

We open on a dude making a bomb, intercut with some people having really aggressive sex. Like, they’re knocking stuff off the nightstands and shit. Oh. It’s the bomb builder who’s having the sex. With a flight attendant. To whom he then gives the bomb, so she can take it on the plane – “Promise not to open it until you’re airborne.” Do people who bomb things usually have active sex lives? It doesn’t seem to fit, to me, but I’m not a forensic psychiatrist or anything, so, you know. Continue reading

SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E20: Beyond The Law

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Mr. Winters suggested I make this the Judge Dredd edition, but I haven’t seen that movie, so you’ll have to settle for my usual Mean Girls and random internet meme jokes. Onward!

Some woman in a very early 90s haircut is getting the gift of a pearl necklace (snerk) (Do NOT Google that at work if you don’t get my twelve-year-old’s sense of humor) and then a massage with warm oil all over her negligee, which is probably going to ruin it, and I would not find the thought of ruined silk erotic at all. But it’s all moot, because she gets strangled, of course. Nice to see FK returning to its Crimetime roots, here. Continue reading