OK, you guys, here’s the thing: I have read ahead in this book. I’ve been through about 5 chapters now.
It is so. boring.
Maybe I’m jaded. Maybe I study too much story structure. Maybe this plot just feels stale because this book is 20 years old already. I don’t know.
What I DO know, though, is that I have a beautiful bong and a whole bunch of high-quality flower in my garage, and that shit makes everything interesting. So here, thanks to the good voters of Colorado and the awesome folks at my local dispensary, is Chapter 3, enhanced. Continue reading →
Mr. Winters suggested I make this the Judge Dredd edition, but I haven’t seen that movie, so you’ll have to settle for my usual Mean Girls and random internet meme jokes. Onward!
Some woman in a very early 90s haircut is getting the gift of a pearl necklace (snerk) (Do NOT Google that at work if you don’t get my twelve-year-old’s sense of humor) and then a massage with warm oil all over her negligee, which is probably going to ruin it, and I would not find the thought of ruined silk erotic at all. But it’s all moot, because she gets strangled, of course. Nice to see FK returning to its Crimetime roots, here. Continue reading →
AW YISS. I love this episode. At least, I remember that I did, and I hope that hasn’t changed. I’ll be recapping with Nigel Bennett’s commentary on, so you guys will get everything all at once. Let’s begin!
We open at The Raven, which Nigel tells us was an actual club in the first season, but is now a studio – though they still used the exterior shots of the actual club. Nick comes in and talks to some rando blonde, then goes on to find Janette. He has a day off because he’s had a hard week – three homicides.
This ep was directed by a guy who was a camera operator, went on to directing, and has apparently directed episodes of 24. My hopes are high, Snowflakes. Continue reading →
Good morning/afternoon/evening to you, Snowflakes! Two recaps, two weeks in a row? I know. It’s like I’ve made this my job or some shit. Let’s recap!
We open during daylight, on a man in a car with a cigar and a piece of paper in his hands. Oh, it’s a photo. He starts drawing on his own face, and then we cut to Nick in Nat’s lab – like, not some lab space she’s rented, or a mini-lab at her house – no, she’s taking vampire blood samples in the crime lab. Continue reading →
But not “Amateur Knight”, because Nick’s a consummate professional.
We open on a city playground, full of what I can only assume Canadians think gang members in LA look like. There’s a drive-by shooting – from a Camaro, because Canada – and someone at the playground shoots back, and then we have an ominous shot of an empty swing. A little girl has been shot. Continue reading →
Oh, Snowflakes. I know. This season is super boring. But we’re almost done, and then we’ll get Vachon! And Tracy Vetter! And Livia! So on we go!
Two uniforms are on the beat, and some dude is watching them through a – ventilation grate? Or something? I dunno. The cops pass, and the dude exits the grate. Oh, he’s homeless. Sad Panda. He’s looking through the trash and finds a kaleidescope, but his moment of joy is interrupted by another guy who dresses like a ninja and calls him trash, just before Continue reading →
Snowflakes! I know I promised weekly recaps until December, but then I went to a conference. Besides, you know what they say about good intentions, and who wants to be involved in that mess?
Oh, and one more note: If you like my recaps, you should definitely follow me on Twitter. I live-tweet especially terrible Lifetime movies. Last weekend I did the Saved By The Bell movie, and it was awful, but I think I got some good jokes in. I will definitely be live-tweeting the Grumpy Cat Christmas movie, because that looks like comedy GOLD, people.
Ooh, we’re back to our Crimetime After Primetime roots. A woman’s getting ready for “bed” by putting on stockings, lipstick, and Continue reading →
SCHOOL HAS STARTED. Snowflakes, I’m so excited to get my house back. Not so excited to discover that MiniWinters broke yet another set of earbuds, so I might miss some pertinent dialogue in this episode. But whatever, she’s not in the house, and that’s what’s important, right? Right.
We’re on a construction site with members of the Village People as well as regular workers. (Seriously, there were some incredibly gay men in the opening scene.) Some guy falls off the building, and some of the witnesses say Continue reading →