It’s Halloween, kids! Are you ready for a big ol’ helping of tricks and treats? I hope so, because here we go!
Someone’s having a heart attack – well, the paramedic says he’s “fibrillating”, and his wife is screaming “Joseph!” over and over as they wheel him into the emergency room. He doesn’t make it.
The young doctor who tried to help him goes to her locker to change, and her colleague/lover comforts her and gives her a back massage before she hops in the shower. You know what’s coming next, right? Pretty little lesbian resident gets murdered in the shower – and the implication is that it was her girlfriend from the previous scene. It’s someone she knows, at any rate, so it’s probably not going to be some random psycho doing God’s work this week. We can hope.
Title credits roll, and then we see a woman walking by herself, at night, in Toronto. She sits on a park bench, pulls up a hood, and watches the sun rise. And then bursts into flames. You know, I’m glad she turned out to be a vampire, because I was a little worried for her wandering around at night without a cross or a stake on her person.
Nick’s having a fit in the precinct, and Stonetree is trying to be nice and figure out what’s going on. Turns out Nick has eight open cases, which is a lot for Metro Homicide, I guess. Schenke pops in to tell him they have to get down to the riverfront. They’ve caught a “spontaneous human combustion” case. And because this is the FK version of Toronto, no one is ever doing their job correctly, and twelve hours have gone by between the lady-vamp offing herself and anyone finding the evidence. Good job, fictional Toronto!
Look. I’m sure the people in Real Toronto are wonderful, and very conscientious at their jobs. I don’t want to malign actual Torontans, here. But for fuck’s sake, the convenient dereliction of duty in this series is really starting to get to me. I wouldn’t mind so much if there were ever consequences, but since there aren’t, it doesn’t work as any sort of narrative theme or anything but an annoyance.
Moving on! Nick picks up a ring from the smouldering remains of Lady Vamp – without gloves, of course – and it’s Flashback Time™!
Nick’s in an Elizabethan play, judging by half the costumes, swordfighting. The villain dies, the girl dies, everyone dies but Nick, and they bring the house down.
Nick’s doing it with the woman who played the villain, so judging by her being female and her corset, I’m going with this is not Elizabeth’s England. She talks about how they have forever to enjoy life, and Nick chomps her, so I’m guessing she’s already Lady Vamp in this flashback.
Nick and Schenke are called to a suicide, and it’s the hospital shower where Dr. Lesbian died. Dr. Girlfriend found her, and tells the detectives that she’s seen residents snap like this before, and that she thinks it was clear-cut suicide. She does not let on that she’s Dr. Girlfriend.
But, oh, snap! Dr. Lesbian has a male fiance, Carl! The plot thickens!
Nat thinks it’s suicide, too, and Nick fondles the ring he found as she talks about suicide. He flashes back again, and apparently Lady Vamp has been suicidal all along, even though she claims to hate the thought of death. Lady Vamp soliloquizes about giving something back to make up for all the lives they take, and of course she’s talking about Art. But someday, her lust for life will fade, and she says she’ll “do what we must do” to avoid being a taker.
Nick tells Nat he’s going to investigate the suicide, even though everyone else thinks it’s pretty clear-cut. Guess we’re going for lucky number nine in the open-case department.
Dr. Lesbian’s fiance says she’s been depressed for a while, so even Schenke is on board with “this should not be investigated”, which means that Dr. Girlfriend is an awesome murderer. Allegedly.
Nick goes home for a glass of blood and some brooding. Boring.
He’s brought work home with him, and he’s talking to no one about how he’s just staring at a pile of clues that don’t go anywhere, and BOOM! Lady Vamp’s ghost is in his apartment to haunt him and tell him it’s time to move on. Oh, and her name is Erica, so this scene is actually somewhat useful, even if it’s just Nick’s conscience telling him to go into the sun.
Astrid tells Nick that Dr. Lesbian was cool, and that was awesome, because most of the doctors there aren’t cool, if you know what she means. I…don’t know what you mean, Astrid, because that’s usually what I say after a particularly obvious sex joke. I’m pretty sure that’s not a sex joke, so I’m a little lost here.
Molly Ringwald agrees, and says that Dr. L was always around to actually help. Apparently, she took a lot of pictures, too, and she was a “ray of sunshine”. Molly and Astrid tell Nick that they think Dr. L was murdered, and that he should talk to Dean, despite Dr. Girlfriend-Murderer’s telling them not to bother Nick with “hospital rumors”.
Turns out Dean is a clown on the children’s ward, which seems terribly cruel to those kids. Nick says he did some time in the circus, too, because everything’s about Nick. Dean is a terminal cancer patient himself, and he knew Marilyn – which is Dr. L’s name – well. He’s pretty pissed that she committed suicide, because terminal cancer.
Erica is now haunting Nick’s car, complaining like an Old about how crowded and noisy the city is. Does Nick feel out of step with this world? Maybe. Do we care? No.
Stonetree wants to give half of Nick’s open cases to some other detective, which pisses Nick off, because solving murders is his only way to glory. Also, the hospital administrator, who I’m guessing is Dr. Girlfriend-Murderer, has complained about Nick “making insinuations” at the hospital. Which seems pretty damn suspicious, to me, but I’m a professional, so I don’t know how these people think about these things. Stonetree gives Nick one more day to solve the case, and then he’s closing it, because suicide.
So Nick goes to The Raven, of course, to talk about Erica. Janette is not surprised to know that Erica’s dead. Erica didn’t go to Nick because she “didn’t want to infect [him] with her disease.” Janette tells Nick to move on, and Nick demands to go to Erica’s place, which is covered in dustcloths and dead flowers. Janette is wearing a truly impressive hat in this scene, and I kind of want it.
Nick flashes back to Erica complaining about not having children, that it’s so sad that they have nothing to pass on like humans do. Which…I mean, way to reduce us all to reproduction, Erica. I’d like to think I have plenty to leave the world besides MiniWinters. Who is great, and awesome, but not the sum total of my contribution to the world. I hope.
Some girl pops in to Erica’s apartment to tell us that Erica has a new play opening tomorrow night, and she was so excited about it, and do they know where Erica is? No. At least we know Nick can keep a secret. He just doesn’t want to.
Nat’s at Nick’s apartment at dawn, and she’s all mad because Nick’s been “living in a shell” lately and she can’t get through to him. Nick’s playing all fast and loose with the sunlight and starts gnawing on the scenery to talk about suicide while Nat lectures him. Turns out that Marilyn was six weeks pregnant, so she wouldn’t have committed suicide, because antepartum depression doesn’t exist.
Schenke comes over to Nick’s to join the party, and goes right for the fridge, which of course is full of bottled blood. Schenke assumes Nick has a drinking problem, and tells him that he shouldn’t be leaving red wine in the fridge. (Fun Fact: That stuck with me from high school until I started drinking red wine. Never put it in the fridge, not even in Arizona. So thanks, Schenke, for that “More You Know” moment.)
Schenke is not convinced that pregnancy=no suicide. He goes to talk to Carl, the fiance. Schenke compliments the apartment, which is late-80s hideous. Carl is a med student and has a now-laughable laptop, which makes me think he’s rolling in cash, because laptops are expensive enough now, when everyone has one. I don’t think that’s pertinent to the story or anything. I just thought it was weird to include in the scene. Carl says that Marilyn was depressed, tired, and distant. Carl gets a little defensive when Schenke tells him that her coworkers didn’t think she was suicidal, and then Schenke drops the baby into the conversation all casual-like. Carl doesn’t seem to mind that he’s lost a kid, too, and says that Marilyn didn’t seem to want a kid.
Nick goes to see Erica’s play, and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
There’s shaky-cam at the hospital, closing in on Dean The Cancer Patient, so we know the murderer is going to strike again. Dean gets a dose of something clear in a little vial, courtesy of someone wearing surgical gloves.
Nick and Schenke go to the hospital to talk to Dean, who’s “overdosed on morphine” and is being treated. Schenke notes that Dr. Girlfriend-Murderer has found both victims. Molly Ringwald tells the detectives that Dean is conscious and they can go talk to him. Turns out Marilyn was going to have Dean’s baby, not Carl’s, so now everyone’s on board with the Marilyn-was-murdered theory.
Nick and Schenke cook up a plan to catch the murderer by having Nick lie in Dean’s bed, wearing Dean’s hoodie. Erica chooses this incredibly opportune moment to come haunt Nick, who decides he has more to give society and so he won’t kill himself now, thanks, and he swears he’ll never commit suicide.
The murderer is wearing surgical scrubs and a ridiculous long, curly black wig. We only see him/her from the back, on their way to murder Dean again. Luckily Erica makes her exit just before the murderer, who turns out to be Carl. Nick beats the crap out of him and holds him out a window, demanding that Carl tell him why Carl deserves to live. Schenke tells Nick to “think of the paperwork if you drop him!” Excessive force is hilarious!
Nick takes Nat and Schenke to see Erica’s plzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Show SGRoA Post List