Snowflakes! I am in my first week of NaNoWriMo. It’s my second attempt. My first was several years ago, with the manuscript that eventually became MADNESS, but it was cut short by the flu after, like, four days. So far, all is well here at Casa de Winters, but knock on wood for me, would you? Onto the festivities!
A man in a suit and a trench holds a grubby, paper-wrapped package as he wanders an abandoned…warehouse? The sets are so badly lit, yo – to meet a pretty blonde who’s glad he “brought it”. She wants him to describe what it felt like to be a thief, and then we’re on to the sexing until another guy in another suit and trench kills the first guy. Blondie’s all about making guys do bad things. She kills Trench #2, and walks off, leaving the knife still in his back, with all her fingerprints all over the damn thing. Not even the killers can manage a little pride in their work!
Turns out one of the vics was a decorated officer – Trench #2. Trench #1 was an accountant, and Nat’s found traces of the same lipstick on both victims. But apparently NO ONE’S DUSTED THE KNIFE FOR PRINTS YET. Jesus, Metro Homicide. Get your shit together.
Stonetree’s having a hard time with this, because Trench #2 and he were close. But he wants Nick to get to the bottom of this mess, no matter where it takes him. Stonetree’s sure Nick will exonerate Trench #2, but it looked pretty clear to me. Stonetree asks “What makes a good man evil?” and this promotes…
Flashback time! Nick’s feasting with a bunch of other knights, and Janette wanders in and asks how much he wants her.
The vics also have traces of the same perfume on them, the same perfume that Nat wears, and Nick can’t smell very well. I guess a morgue is a difficult place to separate odors, but still. Vampire. The lipstick is “theatrical”, and they trace it to a strip club downtown.
STILL NO PRINTS FROM THE KNIFE.
The boys go down to the club, because this is CrimeTime after PrimeTime, and everything’s super sexxxxxxxxy. The women in the club are wearing way more clothes than any strippers in America do, so points to us, I guess? Also, they have the least stripper-y music ever. The manager has seen both guys, and he says that Officer Trench was around asking questions about a fraud case. A new stripper takes the stage in very sensible pumps and a dress to her knees. She’s a terrible dancer, but Nick’s entranced. Manager mentions that The Trenches liked her, too, and duh, of course it’s Stupid Murderer Barbie.
Nick goes backstage to talk with her, and she’s taken off her dress and her bra. That’s it. Not the full-length pantyhose, not the undies that go higher than her navel. Strip clubs in Canada suck.
Nick scrapes some of her lipstick onto his fingers, and Barbie says that she’d only met The Trenches a couple of times and gives the same line about a fraud case. She wishes she could be more help, she says, breathily. Oh, Nick, you’re so hot. *snort*
Schenke has found out that one of the vics used to occasionally throw money around, saying it wasn’t his, so Schenke’s going to track down the money trail tomorrow. Then he goes on a little rant about the power women have over men. Nick tells him he can’t blame women for all the evils of the world, which isn’t really what Schenke was saying, but sure, Nick. Let’s take that train past Harmless Kvetching straight to Misogyny Town. Sounds like fun.
So Schenke’s tracked the money, and Accountant Trench was embezzling and had been under investigation. But the money’s not in his accounts, so if he took it, he spent it right away. And the lipstick samples don’t match in color, but they’re both “exotics”, and the lipstick from Blondie was from the same country as the lipstick on the bodies.
Guess my next line. Guess it.
Nick goes to Blondie’s apartment, and she tells him she likes a man who’s not afraid to go after what he wants. Bitch has some balls, tell you what. Nick wants to know how a stripper affords such a nice place, so apparently Canadian customers know how much their strip clubs suck. Barbie says she practices corporate law and slips into something more comfortable.
Oh, bee-tee-dubs, there have been a bunch of little flashback scenes of Janette macking on human Nick. They’re boring.
Nick tells robe-clad Barbie that she’s a suspect, which I’m pretty sure is not something you tell to the suspect in the comfort of her own home when you’ve just learned that she has enough money to be a flight risk. Barbie asks why, and he says that she’s the only link between the victims and that her lipstick was found on them. She mentions that it’s big news when a cop strangles someone – but that was a detail the PD didn’t release to the press, so BOOM! Murder confession.
Nick cuffs her and takes her in and the episode is over.
HAHAHAHAHAHA, no. Of course not. This is Forever Knight, not Law & Order.
Barbie says all their evidence is circumstantial, and then says, hypothetically, that there might be plenty of men in high places who owe her something. She also says that she knows Nick is curious about her, and she gave up the law because she wanted to “live in that part of myself that others are too afraid to even admit exists”. Or something. Basically, she’s a psychopath and she wants Nick to play a game with her.
They start making out, interspersed with flashbacks to Janette humping Nick and blathering on about “the darkness” inside him, and then Barbie says she wants Nick to do something for her: She wants him to steal Officer Trench’s casebook.
Schenke’s not pleased that Nick spent his shift presumably fucking the suspect, but Stonetree doesn’t seem fazed. Schenke says that Mrs. Officer Trench mentioned her husband’s casebook, but it’s missing. Stonetree has it at his apartment, and gives Nick the key to go pick it up.
Nat’s found some more info on the case, but Nick’s being all aloof and cool to her, so she yells at him about not caring about the case anymore. Turns out there are 3 more unsolved murders from the last four years, one of them a double murder like this last one. Nick thinks about this for a second, so Nat opens up about what’s really bugging her: Nick’s fucking someone else.
Barbie burns the casebook, because she never really wanted it. She just wanted Nick to do it. He tells her it was easy, and it felt good, and so she asks him “Wouldn’t it feel better to do something far, far worse?”
Okay. I get that Barbie’s dealing with a completely inept police force that can’t be bothered to lift prints off a murder weapon…
…but how many cops does she think she can get away with killing, here? I mean, seriously, at some point – that point being one cop – I would move on and start my little game somewhere else. Is Toronto the only city where strippers stay dressed? Is that why she wants to keep killing people here?
Stonetree tells Nick that Schenke has something he thinks will close the case, and then tells Nick to bring Barbie in, because she’s a suspect. Nick finds Schenke and acts all nice to him, so Schenke fills him in on the big lead: Barbie did this in Buffalo, too. So she can’t object to full nudity, right? That’s not what’s keeping her here far past her expiration date.
Nick says they should go talk to Barbie and then bring her in, so he drives Schenke to the same warehouse from the opening scene. Because he’s totes going to kill Schenke, and he even told Barbie to dress up in the plaid-skirt-and-knee-socks that is Schenke’s go-to spank fodder. Of course, the skirt is like, eight yards too big, but whatever. I guess Schenke’s weird.
Nick strangles Schenke and Barbie gets all hot and there’s making out. Nick wants to know how it felt to kill Officer Trench, and Barbie tells him, and of course Nick’s wearing a wire and this was all a set-up from the start. But oh, snap! Barbie’s got a third guy on the line who shoots Nick, and Barbie runs away with him. Schenke goes after the dude, and Barbie goes up the fire escape to the roof with Nick in pursuit. Schenke shoots the dude, but Barbie flings herself off the roof because it will be the ultimate rush. And because you can’t have sex without dying in this show. It’s a rule.
There’s some armchair psychoanalysis of Barbie, and Nick gives Nat a bottle of perfume, even though he professes to Schenke that they’re “just good friends”. Poor Nat. Friendzoned forever. We get another flashback, and I just noticed that though it was absent in the first episode, this one has Nick’s clip-on 13th century mullet. So luxurious! Janette introduces Nick to Lacroix, and we’re done, just when a decent character showed up. Ah. C’est la vie, non?
And that’s the end of Disc 1! Next week we’re on to Disc 2, and an episode with a psychic which will probably leave me facepalming even harder than this one did.
Oh, and in case you wondered: No. They never dusted that damn knife for prints.
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