SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E12: Hunters

SGRoA post 12 of 72

I know this one is late. I know I didn’t do one last week. I have no excuses: I’m just super lazy. My bad.

Anyway, we open with Nick and Schenke trying to convince a vice cop to jump to homicide, but Vice isn’t having it. Which is kind of a change: every Law & Order I’ve seen, Homicide’s right under Major Case Squad in the hierarchy, with vice coming in third, if at all. Oh, Canada. You also have the most wholesome-looking hookers I’ve ever seen.

And then Vice gets shot, of course. Apparently in the back, even though Nick then points his gun across the street. But who needs continuity? Apparently the guy was across the street, on a roof. He killed Vice with one shot, making him – according to Natalie – “one hell of a shot”. Nick and the Captain think Schenke should go home, but Schenke’s having none of that. He’s going to solve the murder of his friend.

Stonetree tells a boring story about how his partner was killed, too, and he got revenge, but it wasn’t worth it, and it didn’t bring his partner back. But he’s going to give the case to Nick and Schenke anyway, as long as they promise to…(giggle). Sorry. As long as they – *snort*. As long as they promise to – Oh, hell, I can’t even.

As long as they promise to follow procedure to the letter. 

There's a Doctor for everything.

sheldonlaughing

adele

Okay, now that’s out of our systems….

Schenke’s telling stories about how Vice used to use unreasonable force on suspects – oh, that scamp! – and BORING. Get to The Raven already.

Since it’s 1991, they’re just installing a computer system at the precinct, but it’s not running yet. Nick asks for all Vice’s files, and Schenke comes in and gets his mail, which contains a photo proving that whoever shot Vice was after Schenke, too. Stonetree offers protective custody for Myra and Schenke’s kid, and suggests that Schenke get out of town, too. Schenke’s having none of that, of course, and now it’s Flashback Time!

Men on horseback are hunting something in the sunlight – Oh, it’s crispy vampires, smoking through their cloaks. They find shelter and send the horses on, then barricade the doors and windows with a lot of very convenient tables that are lying around a one-room clapboard building in the middle of the forest. Lacroix gets shot through the wall, and then we’re back to the precinct.

The computer tech is wearing a white coat. Like, a lab coat. I am not shitting you even a little bit about this:

Did they think computers needed doctors in 1991?

Did they think computers needed doctors in 1991?

He tells – Norma? The receptionist, at any rate – that “The database is set now”, which sounds incredibly vague even to me, and all I know about computers is how to be funny on the internet and what Mr. Winters says to me before I stop listening. He’s shifty, is what I’m saying, here.

Nick takes Schenke to a motel for protective custody, and he’ll be watched by a cop who looks approximately twelve. Chinese food is on the way, and Schenke guilts Nick into staying for it. Also, this is the single cheapest motel in the history of the genre. They have a Craigslist free couch and walls painted nicotine-stain-yellow so they never have to paint again. Lovely. Why didn’t Schenke go to the mountains with his family, again?

Intercut with this is someone making a bomb on a windowsill, and then the motel goes BOOM as Nick walks to his car.

Don’t worry, guys. Schenke’s alive. It’s just, you looked worried, so I wanted to reassure you.

Don't worry, it's not a kissing episode.

Don’t worry, it’s not a kissing episode.

So obviously, there’s a mole or something. Schenke doesn’t want to believe it’s a mole, because if that’s true, he has nowhere to hide. To which Nick says, “That’s not exactly true.”

AWWW, YISS.

AWWW, YISS.

Janette doesn’t want him, because duh. You don’t drop a human in the middle of a coven when that human has no idea what’s going on. No matter the comedic possibilities.

Back in the past, hunters are hurling themselves through windows and getting eaten. Seems fair.

Janette says yes, and Nick tongue-kisses her, and then he’s off to investigate. Oh, he does tell Schenke not to touch the women. Charming.

Nat’s helping Nick go through Vice’s files at Nick’s apartment, while Nick is working on a laptop from the stone age. They’re getting exactly nowhere, but at least they’re not as bored as Schenke, who’s just wandering around the empty club after dawn, making noise and touching all the chandeliers and shit. Poor Schenke. If this weren’t going to be hysterical, I’d feel bad.

Schenke calls Nick to complain that he’s not doing anything. He wants to act as bait, but Nick vetoes it. Schenke gets off the phone when some “sexy” blonde walks in, so he can go stalk her. Maybe this is a kissing episode. At least this time, Schenke’s not trying to put the moves on a vampire while wearing grandma’s sofa.

He wanders through the “wine” cellar and into a room full of coffins, and he’s just about to wander into another room when Janette grabs him. Schenke says he saw someone “lurking”, and Janette assures him she can take care of her club and hustles him back upstairs – dismissing the coffin as “catering to the occasional fetishist”.

Back at the precinct, Norma is printing out all of Vice and Schenke’s records in common on a dot-matrix printer. All she has to do is input a badge number and she gets all of someone’s records, so of course she types Nick’s in for kicks, and there’s no record besides his last couple of years in Toronto. “Must be a glitch.” Oh, humans. You never see what you need to.

Schenke’s boring Janette with self-aggrandizement and then it’s back to the past, where it’s a pitched battle between hunters and vamps. Janette tells Schenke the story, calling the hunters a Chicago gang, and saying that Nick took them all on by himself. Then she gives Schenke some terrible advice about striking back at people who’ve taken from you.

Oh, snap! I knew computer doctor was bad news! He’s checking on the status of an ad in the police weekly – under the name “Alan Smithee“, which is awesome on so many levels. The ad is running tonight, which pleases evil computer doctor.

Nick doesn’t think the shooter is anyone Vice and Schenke busted. He thinks it’s a cop or an ex-cop. OH. I remember this one now. I won’t spoil it till the end, don’t worry.

Norma comes in carrying a sheaf of dot-matrix paper. Nick listens outside the door as Norma tells Stonetree that Nick doesn’t seem to exist. Then what’s on all that paper? Nick calls Janette and gets the name of a forger, or a hacker – I guess he’d need a hacker at this point, yeah? I don’t know, Grant just calls all his guys “forgers”, so, you know.

Schenke’s still at Janette’s, still alive, and still pissing her off. I love it when she’s annoyed. She’s so good at it.

And now it’s time for my least-favorite scene, the “Nick does something weird while staring into space and thinking voice-over thoughts” scene. Why are these necessary? Couldn’t you show us something sexxxy, Crimetime After Primetime? Some more demurely-dressed strippers or whores in full-length coats and sensible shoes?

Computer doctor has some weird ideas about decorating…

Forever Knight S01E12 03

and after spending some time on his Teeter Hang-Up, he loads a gun and is on the road.

Nick’s driving all over Toronto with some truly heinous “rock” “music” playing, and I wish the voice-over thoughts would come back. Someone had a lot of stock footage to use up. This scene is two full minutes long. TWO MINUTES. Good God.

He ends up at The Raven, and the forger is telling him it’s going to be a week and a ton of cash for him to backfill an entire history. Oh, the guy’s name is Merlin. Ha-ha. You vampires and your senses of humor. They’re so, so bad.

Schenke complains that if Nick thinks the shooter’s a cop, Nick has another think coming. He also wants out of The Raven, but tells Nick he’ll stay put.

Show of hands: Who thinks Schenke’s going to stay put?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Schenke starts to get a good drunk on until he figures out it’s Friday, and the new police paper is out today. Janette lets him go across the street to the newsstand and buy one, and Schenke knows the newslady by name? Because he hangs out at The Raven so often?

Whatever, he sees Smithee’s ad for him, which threatens his family and suggests a trip “down Memory Lane”. So of course, Schenke commandeers a car and is off to the races.

Janette calls Nick and tells him Schenke’s missing, just before Stonetree walks in with a report of a commandeered car. Nick leaves to find Schenke, who’s just pulled up at … a condemned building? Half a building? They could have thrown us a signatory bone, here, because turns out it’s the Police Academy firing range. Smithee starts shooting, and taunting Schenke over the loudspeakers.

Nick talks to the newslady, sees the ad, and calls Stonetree to find out what “Memory Lane” is, which – see above. Solid detecting, Nick. Good job.

Schenke’s been shot – grazed, I suppose, because he’s still running around and stuff. Turns out, Smithee’s scores on the range were better than Schenke’s and Vice’s, and Smithee’s pissed that they could be cops, but he couldn’t. Dude. They have a psych test. I don’t care how well you shoot – well, no, I take it back. I don’t want psychos with good aim, jeez.

Smithee gives Schenke enough info to figure out who it is – someone named McAvoy. Schenke’s working his way to the loudspeaker booth or whatever while McAvoy complains that “that whole mess at the Academy” is still in his file, and he didn’t get a promotion to Chief of Computer Surgery because of it.

Nick’s standing outside, maybe listening for Schenke, but mostly flashbacking to killing all the hunters that were after him, Janette, and Lacroix. Meanwhile, McAvoy has crept up behind Schenke with a gun. Nick finally goes inside, sees this, and yells “SCHENKE!” McAvoy turns, Schenke turns and shoots him, and that’s the end of that.

Back at the precinct, Nick’s computer files have mysteriously appeared. He was born in Chicago in 1957 – “58,” Norma corrects him.

Nick is old, guys. Nick is practically a Boomer. I feel really inappropriate about having a crush on him when I was 14, y’all.

I don't think we're quite here, yet, but it could be close.

I don’t think we’re quite here, yet, but it could be close.

Blah blah, wrapup scene, blah. Schenke doubts how good a cop he is; Nick reassures him. Coupla jokes, and that’s all she wrote.

Not a terrible episode, but I wanted more Schenke in The Raven and less Toronto stock footage and people being adorable with olde-time computers. Like, I do not need to be reminded of the horrors of dot-matrix, okay? Bad enough my kid would look at it all scrunchy-faced while I tried to explain. You do not need to throw the sound-effects on there, too.

Next week: Oy, this piece of crap. “Adorable” child is a witness. Barf. Barf right all over that premise.

Show SGRoA Post List

  • Super Giant Recaps of Awesome: Forever Knight S01E01: Dark Knight Part 1
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E02: Dark Knight Part 2
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E03: For I Have Sinned
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E04: Last Act, Gladiator Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E05: Dance By The Light Of The Moon
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E06: Dying To Know You
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E07: False Witness
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E08: Cherry Blossoms
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E09: I Will Repay
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E10: Dead Air: Thumbs Up Gif Party Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E11: Dead Issue
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E12: Hunters
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E13: Father Figure
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E14: Dying For Fame: Science Channel Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E15: Spin Doctor: Cute Kitten Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E16: Only The Lonely: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E17: Unreality TV
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E18: Feeding The Beast
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E19: 1966
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E20: If Looks Could Kill
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E21: Fatal Mistake
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S01 E22: Love You To Death
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E01: Killer Instinct: Basic Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E01.5: Killer Instinct, Commentary Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E02: A Fate Worse Than Death
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E03: Stranger Than Fiction
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E04: Bad Blood
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E05: Forward Into The Past
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E06: Capital Offense
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E07: Hunted
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E08: Faithful Followers
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E09: Undue Process: Trigger Warning Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E10: Father’s Day
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E11: Can’t Run, Can’t Hide: Kermit Face Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E12: Near Death: Stargate Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E13: Crazy Love: Beyonce Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E14: Baby, Baby
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E15: Partners Of The Month
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E16: The Fire Inside
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E17: Amateur Night
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E18: The Fix
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E19: Curiouser and Curiouser
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E20: Beyond The Law
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E21: Queen of Harps: Amazing Babies Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E22: Close Call: Star Trek Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E23: Be My Valentine: TV Dick Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E24: The Code
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E25: A More Permanent Hell
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S02 E26: Blood Money
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight Special Features Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E01: Black Buddha, Part 1
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E02: Black Buddha, Part 2
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight: S03 E03: Outside The Lines
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E04: Blackwing: WTF Edition
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E05: Blind Faith
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E06: My Boyfriend Is A Vampire
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E07: Hearts of Darkness
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E08: Trophy Girl
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E09: Let No Man Tear Asunder
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E10: Night In Question
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E11: Sons of Belial
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E12: Strings
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E13: Fever
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E14: Dead of Night
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E15: The Games Vampires Play
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight, S03 E16: The Human Factor
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight, S03 E17: Avenging Angel
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E18: Fallen Idol
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E19: Jane Doe
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E20: Francesca
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight S03 E21: Ashes to Ashes
  • SGRoA: Forever Knight, S03 E22: Last Knight


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