Anyone else singing Sheryl Crow now? “You’re my fatal mista-a-ake!” My fatal mistake was thinking I could work Holy Week at a Catholic church and still get my writing done. Even this recap is late. Sorry, guys. Next week we’ll be right on time for your Thursday enjoyment.
We open on a Canadian convenience store. Stonetree’s fat-shaming himself at the cooler when two guys pull a gun on the cashier. Stonetree hears the robbery going down, and tells them to put the gun on the counter and walk away. They don’t, obviously. Stonetree chases them out, and one goes over a fence. The other one’s cornered by the cap’n and his drawn gun, but the first guy fires from behind Number 2. Stonetree returns fire and kills the guy, and now it looks like he just shot some unarmed dude for fun. Which I would expect of American police, but not of Canadians! Canada’s so polite, I bet their cops actually protect and serve.
Nick and Schenke show up to investigate, because obviously they won’t have any conflict of interest whatsoever.
They can’t find the gun, so they can’t write it down as a “good” shoot. The captain’s in for a rough ride, because this is Canada, and apparently they don’t just plant shit on victims – excuse me, perps – up in Toronto. The cap sticks to his story, saying that it was “just instinct” to return fire. Nick tells Stonetree he knows how he must feel, and the cap is all, “O RLY? You’ve killed someone in the line of duty? Because that is news to me, dude.” And Nick of course can’t say shit about how many people he’s killed.
In the car, Schenke’s talking about how difficult it is to kill drug dealers, who wouldn’t be in a position to die in the first place if we just had reasonable drug policies. He surmises it must be so much harder for a cop to kill someone who was unarmed, and that it’s doubly hard for the captain, because he’s been riding a desk too long. Schenke and Nick wax poetic about killing people and possibly being killed, and Schenke says Nick should just let it roll off his back. “You can’t go carrying coffins around in this job, Knight,” he says.
Internal Affairs is not convinced by the store video of the kid with the gun. He thinks Stonetree should have called 911, but I’m actually on Stonetree’s side in this. He is 911, yo. IAB says he has to investigate, because no gun was found on the guy. There is a lot less hostility about this than there would be in an American cop show. From what Law & Order has taught me, IAB is like Satan or something.
Stonetree’s in his office, talking about how the shootings haunt you. Nick says, “Only if you let them,” and
Oh, sorry. Just – Nick, you are the very textbook definition of “haunted”, dude. I’m guessing that any minute now, we’ll be treated to the specific haunt that’s bothering you this week.
Stonetree goes on about some cop he knew who’s bad shoot killed his career. Nick says they’ll get the kid, but Stonetree says you can’t kill someone and not have it affect you.
And of course, it’s Flashback Time! 17th-century somewhere, because everyone’s dressed like a Pilgrim – including Lacroix, who mojos some guys in a pub into giving up their table. Nick’s back in a mullet, and the tavern wench is falling out of her gown when she takes their order. Lacroix basically tells Nick, “Look, I won’t cockblock you, bro. She’s hot.”
Nick goes back to the crime scene to use his vampire senses on the evidence, and another vampire shows up – Alexandra. She turns out of the alley and disappears, and then we’re back at the tavern – or, at least, wherever Lacroix and Nick are staying, because Nick is laying the tavern girl out on the Oriental rug in front of the fire. She says she envies him for being so well-traveled, and Nick says he can take her somewhere right now. She giggles. Oh, this is actually cute, you guys. She’s actually into him, and they’re getting their groove on. I’m sure it will end badly.
In the morgue, Nat and Fabulous Bitch are using a scalpel on a chicken. Ooh, FB’s name is Grace. Which doesn’t strike me as half as fabulous as she deserves.
Nat’s found gunpowder residue on the dead guy’s elbow, indicative of him being very close to a firing gun – consistent with Stonetree’s story that he was fired at. Which is good news, but Nick still looks down. He says it’s because the captain is taking this so hard, but then admits to Nat that he’s a little spooked because he saw a maybe-ghost the night before.
Nick’s driving around and he sees Alexandra again. She’s definitely the tavern girl, and after Nick almost hits some dude standing in the street, he flashes back to sucking the life out of her before she even got her rocks off. Douche move, Nick. At least let the lady go out on a high note!
Meanwhile, in a seedy apartment? Hotel room? Who knows? some dude is drinking whisky, dry firing a gun, and says “It’s payback time!” Because criminals speak like this.
At the precinct, the guys have discovered who the criminal is. They want Stonetree to let them handle it, but Stonetree’s all, NOPE. Which – shouldn’t he be on leave, or something? He’s being investigated. He shouldn’t be on the street, and not merely because Nick and Schenke think the dude’s going to come after him.
Nick and Schenke go to bring the guy in, but Nick sees Alexandra at a stoplight and jumps out of the car. She gets on a bus, so Nick climbs on it while it’s moving and gets the guy to stop. But of course, Alexandra steps off before he can catch her. I’m guessing this is not a ghost, guys. Anyone taking my $20 that Lacroix turned her?
The captain goes back to the crime scene to wander around and relive the shooting, which I don’t think is going to help his haunted status. It does, however, jog his memory of there being a tow truck parked outside the alley that night. Too bad he’s being followed by Cliche Man, right out to the middle of nowhere to the junkyard whence originated the tow truck.
Nick and Schenke go see the dead perp’s mom, and she yells at them about how the drugs took her boy away and why aren’t they doing anything about it? Why are they failing?
Nick and Schenke pump her for info about Cliche Man, and she’s all, “Bitches, that’s your job. You killed my kid. GTFO.”
Nick flashes back to the tavern girl’s funeral, which seems pretty swanky for a chick who couldn’t afford a dress that fit. Lacroix comes in to mock Nick’s grief and guilt, and it’s lovely. I mean, you can argue that vampires shouldn’t kill if they don’t have to – and obviously, they don’t – but Lacroix’s principles never waver, not for a fucking second. In his world, vampires kill. Why Nick is going through all these moral gymnastics about it, Lacroix doesn’t know, and doesn’t care. He just hopes Nick will shut up about it.
At the junkyard, Stonetree’s directed to the car the guy brought in the other night. Stonetree says he might be a while, and the dude’s all, “So? I got shit to do. Someone could kill you back there, and I totally won’t find you for hours. Maybe days. Have fun!”
Nick hacks into Stonetree’s voicemail, and Cliche Man has left a message threatening the cap. Nick goes after the captain, even though he has no idea where the dude is, while Schenke puts out an APB. Amazingly, Junkyard Dude has a police scanner and overhears that, then calls in that he has Stonetree at the junkyard.
Guys. I. Am. Amazed. Someone did something smart!
In Flashback Land, Lacroix is totes turning Alexandra. I am psychic, obvies.
Nick gets the radio call on Stonetree’s whereabouts and ditches his car, preferring to vamp it up in the air. Cliche Man gets there first, though, and pistol-whips Junkyard Guy into unconsciousness. Stonetree had found the car and the bullets lodged in it, and is just about to go back without incident, when Cliche Man pulls a gun on him. Because he’s Cliche Man.
Nick shows up at the junkyard, quickly followed by Alexandra, who has a bone to pick with Nick. And Lacroix, presumably, considering she says it was Lacroix who “damned” her. But no one ever takes it out on Lacroix – well, except Nick and Livia, of course. Nick’s all, “You know what this is like. What’s your body count?” and she’s all, “High, yo. I have some issues. I like to work them out by killing people.”
Stonetree hands his gun over, and Cliche Man tries to take him to a second location. Stonetree runs for it, and CM shoots. Nick starts to go toward the sound, but Alexandra grabs him by the throat and tells him that she’s stronger, now, and he should be the one who knows what it feels like to be drained of life. Which – he does. He got turned just like you did, remember? That’s how vampires work, dear.
CM catches up to Stonetree and takes him to a bridge while Nick is fighting Alexandra. CM pulls Stonetree’s own gun on him; Alexandra stakes Nick, but not fatally. There’s a lot of talking at this point, because when you have someone on the ropes and you intend to kill them, it’s time for someone to flap their jaws about it, right? Stonetree and CM have a nice little conversation, because as much as Stonetree might be buying time, CM really wants to soliloquize. As does Alexandra, for that matter. She totally blames Nick for turning her into a killer, and she’s about to chop his head off when he impales her on a pipe. I think we’re meant to believe she’s dead, but he impaled her in the stomach with metal. Show of hands: Does that kill vampires?
Anyway, Nick’s able to stop CM from killing the captain, by flying in and tackling him. Stonetree cuffs him and brings him in. There’s no sign of Alexandra.
To wrap everything up, Nick goes to the firing range to find Stonetree doing a little shooting. CM confessed to the shooting, and forensics found everything they needed to exonerate the captain. Nick reminds Stonetree that even if you’re all emotionally compromised, you should chase down leads by “following the rules”, and
Sorry. Yeah. Cap’s totally going to take that advice from you.
And as Nick and Schenke leave the station, Alexandra is watching from a distance…and I’m pretty sure she never comes back again.Show SGRoA Post List