SCHOOL HAS STARTED. Snowflakes, I’m so excited to get my house back. Not so excited to discover that MiniWinters broke yet another set of earbuds, so I might miss some pertinent dialogue in this episode. But whatever, she’s not in the house, and that’s what’s important, right? Right.
We’re on a construction site with members of the Village People as well as regular workers. (Seriously, there were some incredibly gay men in the opening scene.) Some guy falls off the building, and some of the witnesses say he said he was pushed. Nick picks up a cross necklace from the body, and the camera switches focus to some woman in the background, and I remember I hate this stupid episode.
Turns out the woman – dead guy’s girlfriend, Serena – is someone from Nick’s past. She runs from the scene, and Nick follows. He asks why she ran, and she says, “Because I knew it was you.” And you were about to bore me to death is left unsaid.
Nick and Schanke bring one of the Village People into the station to interrogate him. He says he was with Serena, so obviously he didn’t kill the guy. In the other interrogation room, Serena defines their relationship as acquaintances with benefits, and says she didn’t see dude die, so she can’t say whether or not her lover killed him. (Trilling. That’s the guy in custody. Told you I’d miss dialogue.)
Serena’s a welder.
Schanke’s trying to come up with a veiled-sexist way to say he’s surprised by that (instead of an outright-sexist way) while Nick frowns at her from behind the glass and Nat’s all, “You know her!”, which of course starts Flashback Time.
It’s the ’20s, and Serena is in a tuxedo, touching some woman’s pregnant belly. So our girl here is on the down-low in some club that’s obviously safe for such things, when Nick walks in, which strikes me as weird. Like, would you just be able to wander into a club where a woman in drag was A-OK in the 1920s? That seems…irresponsible of the owners. Shouldn’t there be like a million passwords and shit? Nick is a newcomer, obviously, because Serena knows the bartender and has never seen Nick before, though she likes what she sees, and buys him a drink. I mean, I obviously don’t know much about the underground queer scene back in the day, but this all feels glib and happy and not dangerous at all, and I’m pretty sure that’s not even vaguely how it was.
Anyway. Nick tells Nat that Serena’s “a strong-willed woman, who’ll do almost anything to reach her goal” like it’s a bad thing. But Nick doesn’t know what her goal is, in this case, and hurling some dude off a building doesn’t seem very vampire-like, so so far, she’s just here to give us a plot. A lame one.
Trilling has a record, but Nat says she can’t prove that Erickson – the dead guy – was murdered, so Trilling and Serena are released. Of course, Nick grabs her as she’s leaving and is all, “I’m sorry,” and she’s all, “Don’t fucking touch me, dickbiscuit,” and then we’re back from commercial and Lacroix is talking.
Thank God. Even if he’s talking about “emotional pain” being the worst of all. Nick’s sitting and listening in his car at the construction site, so of course it’s Flashback Time again. He’s sitting with Serena now, and she says if she dresses like a woman, they’ll treat her like one. And that she likes when things aren’t what they look like – like Nick, for example. He looks like a normal guy, but he’s not. “And you know that?” he says. Well, Nick, you wandered into a queer club in ’20s Paris. Yeah, I’d say everyone in the room knows that.
But no, Serena says she’s investigated him. He’s a man of the night, a free spirit, a traveler. They say marriage and family are not a possibility for him. That makes him Serena’s perfect man.
OK, guys, I’m going to spoil it here: Serena wants a baby, but not a baby-daddy. Nick, of course, thinks she’s talking about vampirism, I guess? I don’t know why you’d leap to that when talking to a human, but whatever, the world revolves around you, right, Nick? The entire episode is just rehashing a conversation that Nick misunderstood, and his inability to correct his mistakes. Which has been the whole damn series for two seasons, so you know what? I’m bored.
But at least we get Janette and Lacroix this episode. Nick has gone to the Raven to confess his sins – AGAIN – and Janette says that Serena knew what she was getting into. Nick says no, of course not, but Janette doesn’t believe him, and that Serena wasn’t innocent, even before she met Nick. Then she dismisses Nick’s guilt and says that maybe Serena’s around humans because she’s trying to do the same thing Nick is – reclaim her humanity. But Nick’s all, no, she’s just hanging around this one dude, and Janette’s all, “Well, if she hasn’t killed him, it’s not for the sex. What aren’t you telling me?” and Nick’s all, “I have to go talk to Lacroix.”
None of that makes any fucking sense, so here’s a cookie for staying with it.
At the precinct, Schanke tells us some story about a girl he had a crush on in the sixth grade. He wrote her poems, so he knows exactly what Nick is going through. He tells Nat that Nick probably still loves Serena, so Nat’s all:
She goes to Nick’s computer and says maybe they caught a break on the case: Trilling was part of a medical study while he was in prison, looking for chromosomal abnormalities in repeat offenders. He’s XYY, and Nat says that a chromosome workup is way faster than DNA PCR tests, so she can figure out if Trilling touched Erickson at some point on the night of his death even more quickly! That won’t prove he killed the guy, but whatever, this is MetroPD! They don’t care about evidence!
Meanwhile, Nick’s spying on Serena at the construction site. Trilling comes up to her and says he’s getting restless, and she’s all, “So you killed some guy?” and he’s all, “He doesn’t matter!” but Serena says the murder could keep them apart. Obviously, Nick flashes back to Serena asking him for “eternity” and “immortality” and okay, I can see why he was a little confused. Apparently, though, Serena’s stringing Trilling along without sex for some reason. I assume that’s what Nick thought Lacroix would know?
Anyway, Nick goes home to drink some blood out of the bottle and Lacroix shows up, all smug and annoyed by Nick’s bottled blood. This scene is delightful, because Lacroix is Lacroix, and Nick has to ask him for help, and oh, I wish the whole series were nothing but their banter. Nick asks if it’s possible for Serena to mate with a mortal, and Lacroix says it depends on what she’s after. There are legends about special mortal men whose seed can make a vampire conceive – under the full moon on the 31st of the month, “or some nonsense”. God, Lacroix, I love you.
Nick takes this info to Nat, who confirms that Trilling is “special”, but she’s pretty sure this is all hooey. What’s not hooey is that Trilling touched Erickson at some point on the day of the latter’s death – which is reason enough to try to arrest him. He runs, but of course Nick catches him, and tells Trilling he’s his savior – “the one who’s going to save your miserable soul.” Which would freak me right the fuck out if the arresting officer said it to me, but wevs, I guess.
Serena shows up at Nick’s place so they can argue and she can tell him that the baby’s a bonus – if she gets pregnant, she’ll become mortal again. Nick says it’s not worth a human life, and she’s all, “Pssh, whatever. Dude’s a murderer, and you’d do the same damn thing if you could.”
Serena breaks Trilling out – full moon, 31st, you know, the usual reasons. There are a bunch of useless scenes, and then Nick goes to see Lacroix because Lacroix knew all along about the mortality thing. Lacroix’s all, “Well, duh, but what are you going to do about it? It won’t help you, and you should just give her what she wants.” And then Nick’s all, “But, dude, SO. MUCH. PAPERWORK.”
Ha, no, but wouldn’t that be awesome? Anyway, Lacroix gives Nick the words to the legend and Nick is able to figure out where Serena’s taken Trilling: The CN tower. Nick flies right over and cock-blocks Serena for a minute so she can make him feel guilty, and then he turns his back on her so she can become human again. It doesn’t work, of course, and Nick offers to cover everything up for her, but she says she doesn’t want anything from him. He covers it up anyway, of course, because dude.
In the coda, nothing happens. The captain wants to close the case, but Schanke doesn’t have any answers for her, and Nick is off in his apartment, having a montage.
NEXT WEEK: Literally anything else would be better, but we get a Schanke-heavy episode in which he solves the case all by himself because he’s tired of Nick getting all the credit! Yay! Schanke!Show SGRoA Post List