SGRoA: Vampire Diaries, S3 E5: The Reckoning

Big talk, VD. It’s only the fifth episode of the season. I reckon nothing is going to happen, not really, but I’m willing to be surprised. Let’s get started!

Matt’s working out in the school weight room. The “Welcome Students” sign is still up, so it is presumably early in the school year, but with this show?

He hears something, someone, moving about, and we’re supposed to think it’s a ghost - weird shadows, breathy sighs, etc. Vicki? Maybe, but first, Matt finds Tyler, Bonnie, Caro, and Elena setting something up for Senior Prank Night - a classroom floor full of mousetraps. And then suddenly the school is full of kids and light and clearly things are going on.

This show is so weird.

Anyway, Elena heads off to glue Alaric’s desk shut and instead runs into Klaus! Who says she should be dead, and what should they be doing about that, before our opening sting.

Of course we don’t stay with the interesting plot point. We’re in the car with Katharine and Damon, making out, then fighting again.

And then we’re back to Mystic Falls, and Stefan waking up in the truck to Rebekah revealing that she and Klaus know Elena’s alive, and that Klaus has gone to kill her. Stefan and Rebekah vamp fight a little, but she stakes him through the gut with a piece of rebar or something.

Klaus drags Elena through the high school, and she points out that it’s not exactly empty. He pretends to be a teacher busting Prank Night, and the kids clear out of the gym, except two that he compels. He makes a girl hold her foot up, and tells a boy that if she drops the foot, he should beat her to death.

I mean, I’m sure it’s something to do with Klaus being super evil, and the only way they know how to show that is by having him just, like, do violence all the fucking time. I live in the real world, and I am not convinced by that nonsense. People don’t behave that way. Not even “evil” people (who do not actually exist, but I am willing to make an exception for fantasy creatures IF it’s done well.).

And we’re back to Damon and Katharine. Damon pulls over, tells her it’s her turn to drive, and then throws the keys into a field. He wants to know what they’re doing and why.

Katharine shows him the necklace, and points out it’s leverage against Klaus. But what’s more interesting is what she learned from Bonnie when she nicked the necklace. (I forget what that is, so we’ll have to wait for the reveal together.) She asks Damon if he’ll do whatever necessary to stop Klaus, and he says of course. She tells him it won’t win him any points at home, then opens the trunk to reveal Jeremy, passed out and tied up.

Tyler and Caroline are making out, and Caroline stops to wonder if Matt is okay. She just wants this school year to be the best, for everyone to be happy. Tyler praises her compassion and assures her he’s happy. They start kissing again only to be interrupted by Rebekah, who correctly identifies that Tyler is a wolf, and then attacks Caroline.

Bonnie and Matt are toilet-papering the pool (jeez, how rich are these people?! I grew up with 1-per-centers, and we didn’t have a pool at our high school, tell you what). Matt asks where Jeremy is, and Bonnie says they haven’t talked all day, but she knows about Jer seeing Vicki. Bonnie asks if it’s weird to talk about Vicki, but Matt says he wishes he could see her: he never got to say goodbye.

Matt reminisces about living a normal life, then perks back up and says he’ll get more toilet paper and they can go do the gym. Bonnie looks after him, worriedly.

In the bathroom, the stall doors are moving on their own, and we can see that Vicki’s standing right behind him, saying she can help him.

Bonnie and Matt head to the gym, where apparently Klaus is currently killing - or, well, talking at - Elena. Elena tells Bonnie to get out, but Klaus says now they can get started. He wants Bonnie to fix what she broke the last time they did the ritual. As he’s talking, Rebekah comes in with Tyler, and hands him over to Klaus.

Klaus explains that every time he tries to make a hybrid, they die. He then bites his wrist, makes Tyler drink it, and kills him.

Bonnie needs to find a cure for his hybrids, and fast.

Okay, y’all, I take it back, things are definitely happening! What a pleasant surprise! And y’all, we’re only 12 minutes in, too. 12!

Stefan gets up from his staking, now that he’s useless. What the fuck was all that killing for if it didn’t make him more powerful? Why fat yourself up like a tick all night every night, Stefan, if you’re sitting out the battle on the floor of a fucking UHaul?

Klaus sends Bonnie and Matt to get her grimoires and spell necessities, and tells Rebekah to take Tyler away.

Matt asks Bonnie what she’s going to do, is she going to ask the dead coven for help? No, she says, they cut me off when I brought Jeremy back - And that’s who she needs to talk to the dead. Jeremy.

Who’s still unconscious in a field with Damon and Katharine. Katharine says there’s a way to kill Klaus dead-dead, not just dagger-dead. Pearl had told her about a vampire who knew how to do it, but Pearl only ever told Anna. Who is dead. And talking to Jeremy.

Stefan shows up to the gym to pledge his loyalty. Klaus tells him to kill the students (who are still here as leverage, and THAT makes much more sense). He doesn’t, so Klaus hits Elena, and then gets mad that Stefan still loves Elena and compels Stefan to just obey him. And then has him kill the students.

In the field, Anna is telling Jeremy she doesn’t want to help Katharine, who’s no friend to Jer. So Damon threatens him - not even very convincingly - and Anna gives it up immediately.

They’re looking for Mikael, a vampire who hunts vampires. They shouldn’t, though: he’ll kill all of them if they manage to “wake” him.

Caroline wakes up in the hallway, between Tyler and Rebekah. Rebekah is taking selfies on Caro’s phone, and then of course sees a pic of the necklace on Elena. So she busts into the gym and bites Elena, demanding that Klaus “make her give it to me”. Jesus. How old is Rebekah, 12? I keep seeing people on the subreddit talking about how pretty she is, but is she, like, damaged in the head? because this behavior is not attractive.

Elena says she doesn’t have it anymore: Katharine stole it. Wonderful! says Klaus. Would have made all of this easier, but now I’m going to be irrational again and put a clock on Elena’s life. Bonnie has 20 minutes to solve all his problems, or Stefan eats Elena.

This shit pisses me off so goddamn bad. Like, I want to go punch some drywall or something. And maybe if any character ever in the history of television had the good sense to just go, “You’re asking something impossible, so just do the consequence now,” I wouldn’t mind it so badly, but NO ONE ever stands up to this. No one. I would just refuse. JUST SAY NO, y’all, when tyrants wanna - tyre. TYRANNIZE. When tyrants want to tyrannize, REFUSE.

Look, I feel like this is going to be very useful advice very, very soon. Maybe in minutes for some of you, hard to say!

When a dictator, or someone acting on his orders, tells you to do something (especially the impossible), REFUSE. Do not bargain. Do not give them even a moment’s peace, thinking you will do this. Do not act like it is a reasonable request. Do not even buy into the premise that they have any right to be in front of you at all. REFUSE.

Bonnie waits for Matt at his truck; they’re going to Jeremy’s house to look for him. Matt goes to get his gym bag, but all his clothes have been strewn around, and his keys are in the pool. It’s Vicki. She kicks one of his shoes into the pool, then texts him that she can help.

Matt calls Bonnie and tells her to meet him at the pool. They can’t find Jeremy, and he knows that Jer can hear Vicki because he came back from the dead. Well, Bonnie’s going to bring Matt back, too.

Bonnie protests: she can’t do that kind of magic anymore. “You don’t need to,” Matt says, reminding her of their lifeguarding job together. “You just have to be better than I was at CPR.” And into the pool he goes.

And it works! Vicki gives him a message for Bonnie while he’s dead, and then Bonnie brings him back.

Damon gets his keys and goes back to Mystic Falls, quipping to Katharine that he wouldn’t have done it for her.

Stefan and Elena argue about whether or not Stefan will be able to keep himself from killing her.

Tyler wakes up. Caroline explains everything to him and tries to reassure him that everything will be fine, but Rebekah’s a cunt about it.

The message that Vicki HAD to get to Matt? “The hybrids are dying because Elena’s still alive.”

You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.

The buzzer goes off, time is up, Stefan tells Elena to run and he tries to fight his urges to kill her, but Klaus brings her back to him. There’s a ridiculous conversation about “turning off” Stefan’s … whatever, humanity, emotions, no one’s ever clear about what this is or what it means.

Klaus just keeps yelling “TURN IT OFF!” until Stefan, like, has an absence seizure? and Klaus turns to Elena and says “I fixed him,” and then sics Stefan on Elena as a test, and it certainly looks like Stefan eats her, but this show has five more seasons after this, so I’mma guess she’s fine.

Klaus takes a vial of Elena’s blood (where’d he get it) to Tyler to drink, because Elena should be dead, and if Tyler doesn’t feed he’ll die? I do not understand the connection here. But Tyler seems to perk up, so there’s that.

Elena briefly wakes in the hospital, where the nurse is compelled to keep her under sedation and take her blood.

Because her blood is the solution to the hybrid problem, apparently. Klaus says he did the opposite of what the Original Witch told him to do because… she hates him? When did he talk to her? WTF is going on? Where is all this plot coming from?

Klaus reveals his obsession with hybrids is because he doesn’t want to be alone. I don’t care. He sends Rebekah to get the truck, and he’ll get Elena.

Oh, here’s Damon! He tells Klaus that he and Katharine found Mikael; Klaus should consider it their leverage. Klaus throws him against a car and then takes off, leaving Damon to be Elena’s hero for the evening.

VD writers this season

Tyler feels great, so good for him, but I can’t imagine this is going to be good for him in the long term.

Bonnie yells at Matt for involving himself in all this, for being reckless, because he’s the only one who could still live a real life. He should turn his back on all this.

He says he understands, and she’s right, he just wants to say goodbye to Vicki, but it turns out he can actually see her now. I hope that works out in the long term, but again, what are the odds.

Damon offers to remove Elena’s memories, but she says she needs to remember all of it. She’s right, but it was kind of Damon to offer. He also has the necklace for her. She has feelings about whatever-the-fuck is going on with Stefan. Damon promises not to leave her again.

And then Stefan shows up. Gross. Klaus has left him to keep Elena under his protection, so he’s moving back in. But - it’s Elena’s house? she can just revoke his invitation? So no, he doesn’t live there, unless the writers forgot all that. I know what my money’s on.

Jeremy and Katharine show up to a crypt where Mikael was supposedly entombed in the 90s. Katharine slides off the sarcophagus lid, and there he is, chained and desiccated, but clearly still revivable.

Welcome to the show, Mikael. Hate to tell you, it fuckin’ sucks!